Sunday, October 3, 2010

The pleasures of flying

I always love flying commercial airlines these days. Where else do people willingly line up and give away their money to be abused. I mean who wouldn’t want to open up your wallet so you could breathe bad air, drink watered-down soda and commune with sweaty hefty folks and babies with diapers set to ‘Stun’. If I was a little smarter, I think it’s probably better to go lay my face on a hot stove and STILL suffer less pain.

First they grab as much of your cash as possible for a ticket – and what do you get? At least in the old days, you used to get a piece of cool RED carbon paper and an index card for your 300 bucks. Now, I basically get an e-mail with a number on it and hope the airline won’t go broke before my flight date. Next when I get to the airport I get the pleasure of ‘UNDRESSING’ again since I obviously did not get it right the first time? Yeah, the belt comes off, the pockets get emptied, and the shoes are removed. More often than not, I am greeted with a part of my foot sticking out of a holey sock and my first thought after embarrassment is ‘DARN’ that sock.

Next boarding is always a blast. I think only cows and lemmings are better at lining up for the ultimate slaughter as compared to the airline flying public. Now between senior citizens, stroller babies, military, first class, executive platinum, & priority access PRE-BOARDING, there are about 7 or 8 people left like me who load the plane last. Of course since everyone has been de-incentivized to store baggage where it belongs in the baggage compartment, there is rarely space left for my one lonely bag much less my girth.

Who was the bright bulb who thought it was MORE efficient to encourage 200 people to carry all of their worldly possessions in bloated backpacks and oversized carry-ons in the passenger cabin? I admit however, it takes ‘guts’ for a struggling enterprise which is constantly behind schedule, lethargic, and having difficulty improving customer service, to continue doing their jobs as POORLY as possible. Gee I really am out of touch – I thought that was the job of the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!

5 comments:

  1. You landed that right on target! What's up with the whole undressing thing and going through your personal bags anyway!

    Now they charge you to carry on a bag as if taking all your money for a ticket wasn't bad enough!

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  2. Well, I haven't flown in over a year, since I basically became sick and had a panic attack. And now I have a panic attack, just thinking about it. So, this is helping immensely.

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  3. Since it costs so much more to check your bags than to cram them above everyone's heads, I have an idea:
    Just pack yourself in a suitcase and ride IN the baggage compartment. Couldn't be less comfortable than Coach, and you'd have more room.
    But I fear some airline execs will see this and start selling tickets for it.
    .
    .

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  4. Ha!! So true! People pack up their closets, jam them into bags & stuff them into the overhead bins, including me. I loved the "darn sock", too. You are so creative!

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  5. I used to LOVE to fly....now it's just a pain the big fat hairy butt.

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