Friday, October 15, 2010

Short pants

I had the good fortune to happen upon a UPS delivery guy getting out of his truck in front of a neighbor’s house. While ordinarily I do not make it a habit to stare at MEN with keen interest, with this guy it was different – and he made me hungry. Not only was he dressed in the well known corporate dark brown togs but he was wearing his shorts too! What other jobs demand short pants as an ‘official’ work uniform - Lifeguard, Hooters girl, marathon man?

No as you might have guessed I am not a ‘shorts’ man myself. Yes I will wear them from time to time when I am trapped in a mine for 10 weeks, or an alligator has the other half of my legs. But most of the time I try not to thrill too many ladies with my knobby knees and hairy ‘tan-less’ ankles. Yes I like as much length in my pants as possible to keep everything in place and help keep the dust, bugs, and random coinage from getting trapped in various nooks and crannies.

But I was thinking about our UPS guy, Fed Ex folks, and even the post office people too for that matter. Their official uniforms often include SHORT PANTS? What is it with delivery people that demands ‘naked knees’ in the workplace? It seems to me that if I was lugging boxes and packages all over the back of a delivery van, I would want a little more skin protection beyond that which suntan lotion provides.

Also, no matter what your body type or the weather, you have to stuff yourself into those dandy pants and walk around like you are a 12 year old prep student to do your job. That was the issue with the parcel dude that I saw this week. He was sporting a hefty ‘gut-tastic’ belly flop well beyond the beltline. I am sure when the company clothing designers were imagining their corporate image, they did not anticipate their delivery folks reminding us of big chocolate muffins! See I told you I was hungry!


  1. Haha I was wondering when you were going to tie in the hungry part! Ha very clever! I haven't noticed, do they wear the shorts year round? Around here their bare legs and knees would freeze in the winter.

    Now you have me staring with keen interest!

  2. So with you on this one! (Even if I'm giggling about the reference to the alligator having the other half of your legs).

    Funny thing is....where I used to work, our UPS guy (who loved to wear his shorts all summer long) would often, by the end of summer, have one leg looking more tan than the other. Figured that was because he had the in-town route, and drove with the door open, so the sun hit just that half.

    Boy, he looked like a dork.

    You have knobby knees? I'll trade ya for my smiley ones!

  3. My husband would be in heaven. He would live in shorts 365 days a year. No occasion is too formal for shorts, in his mind.

  4. Maybe the UPS man wasn't ordered to wear shorts.
    Perhaps the long pants he ordered just didn't
    get delivered?

    In the U.S. Army for a 'short' period, we were issued Bermuda Shorts for extra-hot days. (Glad it wasn't a "Brief" period!)
    But they were cool, temperature-wise, and we looked rather British, eh wot? Not bad, just different and kinda jaunty.
    Besides, looking up and down the ranks, I felt kinda proud of my legs. Could hardly wait for the bathing suit competition.

  5. I love all of your posts but the parts that really make me laugh sometimes are those pictures at the end. Ha!! I know it looks crazy, but it's got to be cooler! You need to do a post on the lawn guys in long sleeves and pants in 100+ degree heat. I know it's protecting and dehydrating them at the same time!

  6. I thought that most employers offered a selection!
    I met a UPS guy in Bracebridge, ON, who was taking a bet. The guys in his group who went the longest wearing pants. The winner got a dinner with beer. I think he lasted until late December. In Muskoka that's pretty cold!

  7. In the summertime my husband is permitted to wear shorts ( provided by company ) however he wont do it because he says it "doesn't look professional."