Friday, April 22, 2011

PAN – the Greek god of cooking

Oh sure I love gyros and baklava just like most folks, but I draw the line at being associated with that weird little half goat / half dude Greek God of mythology! I don’t dispute my hairy legs, hooves, and the fact that I can play a mean 3 octave scale on a flute? I can’t help the horny head and satanic similarities either, but I swear the only Greek God I follow on Facebook is “Pita Pan”, the portly paladin of peanut butter.

Despite cruel rumors to the contrary, the perforated pan that I find most godly does NOT reside within my lack of videographic ability, or a less than flattering blog review. No in fact, my favorite pan is a 100% flute-free, tin Frisbee that will never witness Jehova unless he needs a perfect pizza or a tray of tasty choco-chip cookies expertly browned every time.

Its ‘hole-y’ presence aside, don’t kid yourself, my pan is tough and it faces the oven’s dominion of fiery purgatory every day just like it owns the place. I have only had trouble with it once and that was in an unfortunate polka dot tanning incident which I attribute primarily to that hot-head practical joker, Apollo. It’s not handy protection either when Zeus blows his nose overhead, but on the other hand it strains a pot o’ pasta like nobody’s business.

So take my advice, if you want cooking salvation, grab the holiest pan you can and plan to become a fan. You’ll soon learn the only dough you KNEAD to be happy is made of pizza flour, and life’s golden brown parachutes are best unfurled on hot aluminum and covered in GREECE. As high-brow Greek gods go, my PAN may not seem like much except to Paula Deen ’s hillbilly baking family tree. But no matter, I’m still am a ‘PAN-TASTIC’ true believer of the one and only, tried and true cooking ‘god’ which remains closest to my heart . . . and hopefully furthest away from UNDER my bed.


  1. I suddenly crave pepperoni pizza. What's up with that?!

  2. Well, well what a pantasic review! Personally my pizza comes hot straight from a pizza maker all wrapped up in a cardboard box.

    If I ever was to make my own personal pan pizza I for sure will try your pan perfect product!

  3. I love being retired and having the freedom to cook, taking my time. Unfortunately, there are fewer people to cook FOR!
    Great post. Thanks for visiting.
    buds of spring!

  4. my this looks delicious indeed ;)

  5. I think Pantastic needs to be in an infomercial

  6. I believe he's also the patron saint of cooking sprays, isn't he?


  7. I hate to PAN your blog, so I won't, cuz it's funny.

    I just want to know:
    Does a person who eats Pan Pizza in bed
    eat out of a Bedpan?

  8. You're too funny, and thanks for stopping by, but I must say you can not put boots on a mermaid nor would I want to put a mermaid costume on my grandson, but if you'll try it on first... Have a wonderful day! ~snicker-snicker~ By the way, we have Thursday's Recipe Swap Meet if you'd like to join us with your Pizza recipe. We'd love to have ya!!!