Friday, June 17, 2011

Blue-Blocker Burqas

Despite the upheaval in the Middle East I have tried to improve my understanding of the Muslim world. Given the fact that OPEC reported a collective profit of over $1 Trillion U.S. this week, I have decided that my oily complexion and greasy hair may have more value than I had first thought? I can see a Water Babies SPF 30 or maybe even a Banana Boat SPF 50, but I have never quite understood the whole ‘Burqa’ sunblock thing, especially in hundred degree desert heat.

Now don’t get me wrong, whenever I peel myself from my favorite vinyl recliner, I’m all for protecting my skin from ultra (as well as NORMAL) violet light. But if I’m not mistaken, didn’t Mama Cass and the Moo Moo become associated with the physique of a Cow Cow in the 60’s? With an overflowing wallet, is this the best fashion statement the OPEC oil wonks have to offer the world? Except for when the coroner comes to haul me off, I’m not sure covering myself from head to toe in a cloth bag is the greatest of looks? Yes I admit I probably need to dress better for success but luckily it didn’t work for the Klan, so I am suspiciously sure, swimming in sheets won’t be sheik on me either.

Here in the U.S. Midwest where temperatures can get in the 90’s, even the most grizzled ‘hill folk’ typically where LESS clothing when it is hot outside. Oh sure we end up with a little bit of a farmer-fresh n’ funky tan due to the suspenders, holey blue jeans and half t-shirts. Thankfully however, the shadows of our fashion-forward mullets, tire swings, and blood-stuffed ticks usually help fend off the sun’s rays during tractor pulls and lunchtime frivolity of the ‘pig wrassle’ cage-fights.

Hmmm … who needs an oil windfall to be happy, because apparently in my heat-stroke fueled revelation, all the sun-spots have aligned and I suddenly see how good I have it here. In fact maybe those 3-ring Middle East traditionalists of the ‘burqa-solei’ might actually pick up a few pointers from the Middle West. First, at least around here, not every stinky black and gooey organic leftover found buried is worth trillions. And second, when the temps head topside, kiss that over-sized sun-skirt ‘Snuggie’ so-long and slip on a pair of silky shorts and Blue-blocker shades to keep cool. No, they won’t eclipse the sun as well as your old circus tent, but they sure make it a fun challenge to balance an icy lemonade while slipping and sliding into that comfy old dent in the vinyl ‘BURQA-Lounger’!


  1. I'll sip my lemonade pool side soaking up every vitamin D the sun has to offer. My sun kissed skin happens to love coconut oil, not the black sludge....maybe that's why those middle East woman choose to go Burqa instead.

  2. I will be wearing my Snuggie proudly!

  3. I saw a comedian once who said the Middle East should never be considered a threat to America. He said, they'd be dead once they tried to tell American women they had to wear a burqa. "You want me to wear what, motherf***a!" Go ahead, bring it on. Try and make me, Desert Man."

    The one thing that many people don't realize is once those women are in the privacy of each other's homes, they bring out the bling. They dress up to the max, trying to outdo each other when at each other's dinner parties. I would to if I had to wear a Snuggie all day.

  4. Thanks for stopping by. Did you check out my give-aways? About your topic on your Post here. Did you ever think about what if? What if I was black instead of white? What if I lived in China instead of the U.S.? What if I was 80 instead of 40? What if I was in the Middle East or from the Middle East would people hate me or look down on me? Should a, would a, could a doesn't change things. Be happy who you are, and where you are because this is all there is.

  5. Hi Billy...just stopping by to tell you, the next time you are in Osage Beach, go by Hyvee and pick up one of those wraps.....not the ones mentioned above! You know what I am talking about. It is a California Wrap. No honestly, it really is a California Wrap.

    I think my comment fits in perfectly with your post and it answers the question you asked at mine.

    Happy Weekend!

  6. Your humor and punny thoughts aren't lost on me. I always have to read slowly so I don't miss any of the jabs. ;)

  7. I quite enjoyed my Muslim students. I learned a lot about Islam.
    Like the Catholic church, they wanted their followers not to be educated. In this way, like the Qu'uran, and the Bible, they couldn't read it and determine whether a hijab or simply long-sleeved clothes were appropriate. The burqa is scary. But the families I worked with were wonderful.
    Thanks for visiting
    my cottage country !

  8. I love your thought processes! I can just see you peeling yourself from that recliner even though I've never actually "seen" you. I don't get the burka myself. Another thing? I would LOVE for the temperature to just reach the 90's down here in Houston. I've seen 107 register as the outside heat (but "feels like" 110 and up) this week. Yuck.

  9. warm temperatures ... sun loungers ... I can only dream, it has been raining for ever over here