So since dirty birds like me spend so much time shopping at the ‘Home Despot’ I am probably better suited to the Monarchy anyway. Yes inbreeding has served me well since I am an expert on frilly clothes and routinely stick my pinkie out whenever drinking, hitchhiking or condemning other insects to their death. Anyway now with that recent Royal pudding of a wedding, the Monarchs are in fashion again and I have it on good authority that even cartoon lions cannot wait to be Kings.
Believe me I have put in the time to groom myself into an effective career as a future Monarch. I brush my tooth daily and powder not only my own Whig but the Tories’ too. Oh sure one unfortunate incident with a leg of MUTTon and everybody automatically takes the DOG’S side. Honestly, hopping to get around ‘aint’ that big of deal when all you do is sit around playing poker and smoking pricey cigars all day.
I cannot tell you how many troubling knights I have laid awake, crying remorsefully for closure - but not in a ‘Brokeback Mountain’ kind of way. I have grown considerably since the ‘dog leg’ incident, and as evidenced by my bathroom scale and golf scores, I have learned to control my gluttony. Even though I am only a man-child in a baggy blimp’s body and will never be President, despite life’s limitations I am still prepared to fly. So if I ever find myself reincarnated I hope to emerge from my chrysalis as a benevolent Monarch butterfly, dancing gracefully upon a radiant dew-kissed flower. Because let me tell you, there is no way I am repeating this grade again as a dumb gray sack of Pupa plopped on top of a rotten banana.
Posts
Trust me if our newest elect can be president the skies the limit....Don't give up on yourself I think I hear the white house calling your name!!
ReplyDeleteHey, I would vote for you! I think you should be the first only child.
ReplyDeleteBefore you can be a monarch, we'd have to see
ReplyDeleteyour birth certificate. Plus your blood,
to see if it is really blue enough.
But you'd be a good-humored monarch. Most of them
only laughed when heads were rolling.
.
I honestly don't know where you come up with all your puns! You're the punniest guy I know! (Note I said PUNNIEST not PUNIEST!)
ReplyDeleteGlad you stopped by for a visit at 1 Funky Woman. You are a keeper. I love how you write and I think I'll be heading over to read more of your witty words. I could sit and read your tweets forever. LOL here!
ReplyDeleteNew follower!
Megan
I honestly remember a teacher in grade school telling me I could be president some day. Now I do have siblings so I'm not going to break that trend. I'm not on twitter so I'm not going to make it as a politician. So have you picked out your country to be king of yet?
ReplyDeleteAww, you don't want to be president anyway. Too time consuming.
ReplyDelete