Thursday, March 22, 2012

My Superpower RANKS!

I am beginning to suspect that I have some kind of super power but I have not yet realized its full potential. Yes no matter what I get that’s new and improved, within minutes in my possession I will ensure that it is misused and well abused. Apparently I am just HARD on stuff which means no matter if it’s a pillow, poodle, or cheese doodle – you name it, I will likely crease, crush, or disgust it within seconds.

I am not quite sure if shoes, springs, n’ things are just being built more poorly or if I am simply built more portly, but clearly soft stuff ain’t so tough when I plant my hoppers anywhere near my clods. Even with ordinary household paper goods I have had to move on beyond the normal softy two-ply in favor of industrial tough towels which can live up to my rep. Yes you can keep your Charmin and girly nose tissue because my paper towels are not only brawny they have to be so tough that they still have hunks of green leafy bark on them – or at least I HOPE that stuff is bark?

It does not help my ego when I run out the roll and then try to traverse the lawn for a reLEAF and then sink knee deep into the turf and lose a shoe. Oh sure I know it rained a lot recently and MUD hens are part of my DNA since I’m blessed with a chicken-little bird-brain and happen to live in Missouri . But I honestly hate losing a shoe that way because I sort of have my own Marine code when my toes are in a JAM - ‘Nobody gets left behind’. Of course the geezers who spawned me would concur because recently they had gifted me a BRAND NEW set of those pricey footsy inserts to help me walk both more softly with or without a big stick of gum.

I could care less about the $10 K-mart ‘Croc-offs’ but if I buried alive one of those spanking new jelly tootsie pads I am pretty sure something far fatter than my foot will be dragging when my folks find out. So I dug the spud out of the muck and tried my best to wash off the evidence so nobody’s none the wiser. Well that’s not entirely true – aside from one of my toe holders being bright white and the other tawny taupe, the next time I lose a shoe to goo I need to let it lie high and dry for awhile. Sadly you see I am apparently not only wet behind the ears, but ONE foot has become a little RIPE in the arch too, so suddenly I understand why my one and only superpower REALLY STINKS!


  1. You're funny.
    We had several things fall apart this past week.
    Frog pond I made leaks.
    I've caught, and put outside 200+ lady bugs, maybe it's the same 10, dunno.
    So much to keeping this old house going...

  2. Perhaps you could go back to Superhero School and exchange your super powers for ones that are truly useful.

  3. I wonder if they could work you in to X-Men.

  4. Boy oh boy sometimes I think well maybe.... then again I don't know that is what you're talking about. lol You're too funny. I missed you this week so I had to come over to see what you were up too. This weather sure has been beautiful where I'm at which is about 45 minutes west of Chicago. So you live in Missouri huh? Any where near St. Petersburg? My daughter & hubby & my little Edward lives there now. They were in Iowa, but his company shipped him to Missouri. He's a computer wiz! Well I lost three more lbs. not much, but it's better than gaining 3 more I guess. Doing more exercise though & so is my fat dog. She's slimming down with me. Only thing is I'm out of commission for a couple of days. Found out last night I have cellulitis on my left leg. Sure does burn, but I have mega antibiotics. 500 mg 2 in the morn & 2 at night. Well sorry this is so long I started it before supper & walked away & forgot I started writing you. I'll say goodnight for now & I wish you & yours well.

  5. Your superpower may stink, but that's a very cool graphic.

    Be well.

  6. Lots of us "Put Our Foot in IT" once in awhile.
    That does not matter, because it's part of being
    What matters is WHAT you put your foot into.
    And Missouri Mud beats a lot of other things ...
    which are also in Missouri.
    Keep your funny side up!