Thursday, November 29, 2012

Underwear for everything BUTT ...

Oh sure I understand the importance of keeping one’s rump roasty and toasty by doubling up on the undies when it’s cold outside but what about the rest of me? I guess my thighs and gut can get chilled to the bone at times, but believe me there is a lot of flab to stab through before a dropping thermometer can get anywhere near my big hollow bones. I’m more worried about my baby bird-sized body parts that are small and can fall off unexpectedly while climbing Mount Everest like the toes, ears, and nose.

Even beyond that weird waffled outer underwear, I can also buy fleeced SWEATS too for extra added warmth over the typical total of my torso.  So why doesn’t somebody make sweats to help protect my phalanges and proboscis or is the thought of my sweaty feet and nose in a RUNNING suit an image best suited for my psych-ward roomies? I don’t understand why I have to double up the pleasure on socks when I already do that with gum – isn’t it just easier to MAKE a double-thick sock to begin with and then double up on shoes if I’m still cold?

I think the problem is, that all of these stupid cold-weather clothes are made in third-world jungle countries where they only have two seasons – HOT and HUMID. Of course none of the panty-wastes in these steamy factories ever thinks about loosely layering loin cloths when the one they have already promotes  too much mushroom multiplication. These cotton jockeys probably falsely believe that most folks also needs ear muffs with ice packs or efficacious fans attached to glasses so noses can BLOW themselves anytime they want.

Apparently the real answer is that the world needs a topsy turvy BOTTOM up revolution in tighty whitey production. Let’s shake up those ‘leo-retarded’ corporate underwear giants and expose their low hanging fruit to the looms  n’ tunes of the disenfranchised cold, short and shriveled. Why should nostrils flair in icy air or our wiggly digits, both North and South, continually suffer without a buffer. Yes it’s time to find an indie undie manufacturer that is truly willing to expose cold ‘cretonnes’ like myself, and ALL of our too blue body bits beyond the big ones, to a new true, BOXER rebellion.


  1. I like my underwear too much. I often don't want it changed.

  2. A change of underwear can be very refreshing. I just don't know anyone I want to exchange with.

  3. I think underwear should be kept under there.