Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Bedtime for Bromo

In anticipation of the great egg hunt where the world starts searching for Salmonella infected eggs, I bought 30 of the familiar little white oblong ‘goo grenades’, in hope of avoiding a price increase. Wow I have been reduced to hoarding eggs and admitting to it – what is the world coming to? Now I am kicking myself (literally) since I loaned my live chickens to that weird ‘voo-dude’ shaman last month.

Now I have to be honest, I am not falling all over myself in fear of a getting an ‘egg-born’ parasite. I am a father you know, so in many ways not only have I already survived this ‘egg-fate’ before but after 19 years now, I am nearly fearless. Though I would never recommend you cooking your children thoroughly to rid them of diseases, I think this countermeasure is perfectly acceptable when it comes to almost any object that’s ejected from the bodies of farm fowl.

Hey I’m sorry, I know it’s not a pretty picture but neither is getting abdominal cramps and ‘dirty dancing’ with porcelain and the Ty-D-Bol man all night. Take it from me, unlike Patrick Swayze, that little guy’s dancing stinks and within minutes he’ll have you singing the blues too. Maybe you should not experiment on your family by risking any wet eggs at all for awhile and just go for a tub of the powdered variety. If you are feeling really adventurous, try hard-boiling a batch too unless you’re CHICKEN!

Yes I know, you all get the ‘dry heaves’ at the thought of powdered anything when it comes to foodstuffs, but at least you’ll be Salmonella free. Hey dehydrated gunk is good enough for motel breakfast buffets and the U.S. Army so it must be good enough for us too, right? Your kid’s seem to have no problem eating that powdered ‘agent orange’ Kraft Mac N’ Cheese out of the box, and don’t forget the way they suck down those packs of hot chocolate on a cold night. Suddenly I am feeling a bit bloated from all of this effervescent powdered foodie fuss – It must be high time for my bedtime ‘Bromo’ night cap!


  1. You have to cook everything these days!

  2. My daughter caught this awful disease back in the 80's. Not only smelly and disgusting but very scary because of the dehydration and having her insides coming out.

    Maybe powdered eggs are a good idea for awhile.

    The little I read about the owner of those egg farms pissed me off. That guy should be locked up.

  3. I guess it's good I have a reason to not eat eggs, other than the fact that my emissions are simply deadly.

  4. I hope the owners of the chinese restaurant I ate in today got the memo. Egg Foo Craps, anyone?