Sunday, May 30, 2010

My Candle Enlightenment

Candles at one time were unbelievably important to ordinary life. I mean how could you have possibly made a horror movie in days of old without a hearty supply of eerie flickering candles? Most of my experience with candles has been limited to dressing up the inside of pumpkins and atop an occasional cake, covered in an impossible number of those waxy ‘fire sticks to puff out.

But it seems for many, candles are not just for random holidays anymore, but they actually have melted their way into some people’s hearts - EVERYDAY. I was already kind of amazed at the amount of shelf space dedicated to candles at Target and similar variety stores. But then at the mall I found a Yankee Candle specialty shop and realized that this fad has actually matured into a full-blown pricey decorator phenom.

Now my family has not been entirely immune to this fiery age of enlightenment. My Mother has assembled a large collection of candles, however unlike those designer folks, she actually burns them. It is not unusual for the house to smell like a forest of pine, strawberry Pop-Rocks underwear, and a overpowering gingerbread burp … all at the same time. My father complains incessantly to no avail. Soon he fights back with his own unique blend of 2 competing aftershaves, Vicks Vaporub, and (some would say) an over the top foggy release of a whole-house bug bomb.

During these nasal assault campaigns, it is best to retreat until the air ‘clears’ so to speak. Like in any war there are unintended casualties. Unlike most homes, my parent’s hut has a long line of bug refugees trying to escape to the neighbors., There are literally no insects left to be repelled by the pulsing, electronic , ultra high frequency bug devices plugged into every spare outlet. Fortunately all my Mother’s newest candle acquisitions run on batteries. Yeah, she has ones that flicker like the real thing and even fake tea lights you can ‘blow out’ just like a real candle. Wow, ‘fire and smoke-free’ candles – technology may really rescue my family yet? Yeah like that will ever happen – when they finally invent a candle that smells just like … ‘NOTHING’!

1 comment:

  1. "strawberry Pop-Rocks underwear" Ha ha!

    A candle that smells like nothing would be perfect to hide the scent of other candles.

    This post was so great.