'EX' Extension Cords

Yeah I have a love hate relationship with extension cords. When you need one, they are your best friend because while bathing, it is almost impossible to get the toaster close enough, for hot fresh toast without one. But other than that, most of the time they are bulky, hard to store, and always tripping me up. Let’s put it this way – I will never marry an extension cord no matter how titillating the tingle or how electric our connection seems to be.

My number one pet peeve with electrical cords are the ground plug and the polarized holes at the end of the cord. First off, whenever I plug something into that little surprised face at the end of the cord, I feel a little guilty. You probably would look shocked as well if somebody shoved some metal electrified prongs in your eyes and mouth too? Second, by the very nature of a polarized plug, one blade of your appliance will be wider than the other. You would think by odds alone, I would attempt to plug the thing in correctly at least half the time. Don’t bet on it.

The reality is that I NEVER get the plug right and properly oriented the first time. I will push and push on the plug trying to make the fat blade go into the skinny hole. My wife will stare in amusement as this scenario is repeated by me dozens of times per month. I am sure I remind her of the ‘slow’ kid who keeps PUSHING IN on the one way swinging door which reads ‘OUT ONLY’.

I get tired of storing these bulky orange garage extension cords too. I coil them up like snakes, wrap them in paper like fish, pile them up like … well you name it, but they are always a pain. Even when I KNOW and can see that a wormy extension cord is present, it will trip me up and tangle in my feet. I have become so gun-shy now, whenever I approach an unfurled cord, my pace and demeanor takes on the careful tip-toed persona of a diamond thief. Yes I admit it, I will likely continue to be menaced by these evil cords until they probably kill me. Like all electricity, and any bad marriage, my extension cord goal is to simply avoid contact, and hence eliminate the need for a messy, painful divorce. Because sadly, as many previously married folks know, you rarely can have an EX without TENSION!