Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Hat Legend of Hollow-headed Hamid

I know it is not polite to make fun of people so I usually tease myself if my hair is preoccupied. I don’t wear hats very often so of course that presents challenges if I have need to pick on people who DO wear them. I do not really have anything against folks who want to look their ‘sundae best’ and flip their lids over their fancy ‘nut’ toppings. But can I help it that I don’t trust those heady hat worshipers - I just am always suspicious that they are ‘covering up’ something.

Just look at President Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan – have you ever seen the guy without that furry little rat of a hat on his head? Do you think he even has a REAL top to his head, or is that mystery chapeau the beginnings of a new ‘teapot ‘no’ dome scandal’? He seems like a nice enough guy but I bet the ‘Afghan-man’ sleeps in that thing for luck. Yes given his amazing ability to stay alive, you know when nobody is around at breakfast, old Hamid turns his hat over and fills it up with ‘Lucky Charms’ and a double helping of fresh Yak milk.

I had to go to my Scrabble dictionary to find out what that hat is called and it is a ‘Qaraqul’ (25 points). That name actually sounds more like a prescription drug brand, rather than a hat made from a ‘black sheep’s’ wool. I might be ‘going out on a LAMB’ here, but ironically Karzai’s choice of hat-fabric seems to be a perfect idiomatic representation of his political popularity among his fellow Afghanis.

Maybe Karzai should try to lead his country in a Burka or better yet one of those women’s headdresses that circumnavigates the entire ‘melon-headal’ region? This attire makes me concerned, but I honestly have the same distrust of open shirt Europeans, and those flouncy scarves around their necks. In the best case, I know if you pull off that neck scarf, you might find one of those ‘Zip-Loc press n’ seal’ attachment zippers. In the worse case, I fear it’ll be some horrific oozing ‘Franken-stitches’ basement experiment gone awry, that's holding the dude’s head on.

Hmmm, I’m not sure where this post seems to be ‘HEADED’ but my ‘hat’s off’ to you if you stuck through to the end. I’ve got to get some of these macabre images out of my head or it will be HARD to sleep tonight. Perhaps a bedtime story is in order to get my ‘mind off things’? – Let’s try ‘The Legend of Sleepy Hollow’.


  1. well bill it seems that some cultures have these religious traditions where wearing a hat of some sort is required. i don't know how devout these people are but it is an excuse to have a better hat than the next guy. me,i look a lot better in a hat since i have a charlie brown head.

  2. I really need to go buy a Qaraqul.

  3. I think Prez Karzai keeps his hat on, (and he'd better,) because it's steel-lined. Sort of a fuzzy helmet to ward off shrapnel dust, maybe.

  4. Still laughing out loud at:
    "that furry little rat of a hat on his head"

    I prefer my men BALD and HATLESS! :)