Monday, August 2, 2010

Milk seems to grow on trees

Despite the popular contention that milk is extracted from mammalian beasts of burden, it is my thinking that the stuff must be growing on trees. The reasoning goes that regular dairy foods of all kinds seem prevalent in every town and store, while even non-standard varietal milk products too, seem to be growing in popularity. Though I don’t often drink it this way, but if milk is left to its own devices especially in warmer weather – just like trees, it will GROW GREEN.

Now I know that most of our milk here is derived from happy cows who are basically kept year in and year out pregnant which results in milk production that humans as well as calves like to drink. I am thankful everyday that entrepreneurs never started breeding pigeons for ‘crop milk’, which is nutrient-rich cottage cheese slime that all good pigeon moms ‘up-chuck’ out of affection for their young. Oddly with human squabs, it is they who regurgitate their LOVE, after their mothers feed them milk or just about anything else.

Around here I am blessed with vats of both white 2% milk for the wife and skim milk for the kid. We also stock a carton of shelf-stable Almond milk for I’m not sure what and powdered buttermilk for cooking. Of the chocolate varietals, we have a carton of chocolate flavored soy milk and of course packets of sugar, cocoa, and milk powder to make ‘hot chocolate’. I assume these products come from ‘black beans’, ‘Black Angus cows’, or Coco Chanel, but I am not sure exactly how they are extracted?

I am amazed at the amount of milk marketing that goes on these days. I have been featured on not one, but TWO milk cartons, and I can honestly tell you I am still as lost as ever. I think there is probably something about that milk that grows on trees, which does not make me ‘right’ in the head? Because most of my insanity can be traced back to when I was very young and was hit on the head by a container of milk. Ever since then I have been certifiably ‘COCONUTS’.


  1. You're coconuts, alright!! Wouldn't have you any other way. ;)

    Bleccch....I hate milk.

    Milk chocolate? We can talk.

  2. As a kid, I once spent two weeks on a farm. At supper they sat around a big table loaded with food and went ecstatic over RAW milk. Some liked it warm, like right out of the cow.
    I fervently wished they'd put it back in!