Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Prime 9 signs it is high time to vote!

Oh boy it’s your favorite time of year again. No it can’t be your birthday (unless you're eight), Christmas (unless you're WalMart), or even Hanukah (unless you're Hawaiian). No it is VOTING TIME again – perhaps the most titillating time of the year for computer-bound bloggers and brainy Hooters girls? Hey don’t scoff at the notion – I covered myself with the ‘perhaps’, on the off-chance that some of you may not agree. In any case, today is the day when we start to see the signs that the worst of the political season is behind us, and indeed there is a glow-stick at the end of the tunnel. So AFTER you mark your ballot, pat yourself on the back for a job well done and review these Prime 9 memories of how you knew it was time to make some really tough guesses … uh CHOICES. Enjoy!

1) You madly rush around trying to choose your candidates based on who has the ‘prettiest’ and most colorful yard signs.

2) Robot auto-dialers have grown tired of repeating their taped messages and simply breathe heavily into the phone - which you find oddly arousing.

3) You vote for your candidates based on how many times they HAVE or HAVEN’T uttered any of the phrases ‘change’, ‘Tea Party’, or ‘main street not wall street’, in speeches.

4) Overnight the daily newspaper has become suddenly only 2 pages thick and devoid of any ‘hard’ news except for the crossword puzzle – oops I forgot, it’s already like that every day!

5) You have to ‘un-stick’ your identification from its wallet window pocket , so the old geezer that checks you in at the polls can fondle it and compare your ‘in person’ weight to the ‘ lie’ noted on your Driver’s license.

6) If your homeless or an illegal alien, you must walk from polling place to polling place casting multiple ballots for whichever candidate has promised you the most cigarettes, malt liquor, and lottery tickets.

7) At Walgreens, there is a rush on fingernail polish and ‘Goo-be-gone’ to try and remove your losing candidate’s stickers from the car’s bumper, office windows, laptop, and your billboard-sized forehead.

8) The entire library system’s collection of 32 copies of ‘Voting for Dummies’ are all returned and re-shelved on the day of the election – inexplicably perfectly crisp and STILL never opened.

9) Global Warming has immediately reversed into a dive towards a new ice age when all of the hot air stops billowing out of those airbag candidates and the moronic TV commentators.

So there you have it the Prime 9 signs that it is voting time again. I sincerely hope you have taken your responsibility to understand the issues and candidates a bit more seriously than my goofy post insights. Our nation depends on YOUR vote for guidance and leadership. Without ‘We the people’ there is nobody left in this Republic to tax and pay for all the stuff that we want for free. So be proud, and help put Democracy in action by remembering to VOTE NOW and VOTE OFTEN!


  1. Tsk.

    YOU'RE....not YOUR. (unless YOU'RE eight...unless YOU'RE Wal-Mart....etc.)

    You get a B for this one.

    (I'll bump you up to an A if you vote the way I do.)

  2. Please forgive me for homonym error - I clearly must be 'homo-nympho-bic' or posting at 2:30AM! Thanks for the assist - if you were taller I would pick you for my basketball team! W.C.C.

  3. Ha! I love the people that go from polling place to cast votes for the candidate that promises the most malt liquor. Sounds just like me, actually. Where's my brown bag? Anyway, wanted to let you know that I linked to you in my post today because your definition for duelosos absolutely CRACKED ME UP! You're (or is it your...tsk) a NUT! Ha!

  4. And if you were rounder, I'd pick you for my
    Hmmm...with your political knowledge I bet you
    could run for office unopposed...and still lose!
    But you'd WIN as the presidential jokewriter!
    PS: In my county "You're" is spelled (and
    pronounced) "Yer."

  5. I just HAD to come back and check the comments on this one....

    Mr. Anonymous (or is it Mrs.?) is funny as shit.

    BasketBALL. ROFL!