Green Scene Legacy

Given that the world has glommed on to the green scene now, surprisingly even I am trying to pass-on a legacy of recycling and re-purposing resources before I become the main course at the worm buffet. Like my mentor Kermit, whenever I can I enjoy being green, or at least sharing a shade a smidge south of a drunk monk’s shot of Chartreuse. If saving our precious planet means double-dripping through my underwear coffee filters before a good power washing at a public fountain then count me in because I’m always game-Y!

Even a blow-hole like me wants to protect the environment, so after a trash-bath I never let folks at the bus-stop preen downstream even if I’m seen shaking off with gleeful GUSTo. Those windy restroom dryers have a bad habit of flapping my fat and shooting my scent towards innocent bystanders. Anyway the bums who beat the drums in my ears can’t take the high pressure in confined spaces, especially if by an un-thinking tool that expels hot air faster than I do after a Taco Bell burrito. 

Since I am a bit of a pack-rat by nature anyway, recycling my leavings is more of a luxury for me than a chore though my wife perspective might not agree. Where most folks simply throw away their clothes with holes, I knows those ‘olds’ have a lot of life still left in them as dirt shirts, paint pants, rags, or in a pinch - drapes for the guest room. Though I’m always proud that I have a better plan than the ‘can’ for my ‘DUDS-ly long-gones’, I do admit, in the light of day (particularly strong sunlight) I’m not a fan of my inadvertent spotted n’ tanned ‘gams’.

From toilets to toasters, until my digits have stripped every switch, nut, or gasket no tired ol’ technology will find itself crossed off and tossed toward a meaningless end in a cold cloistered casket. No that hot, fiery, and very final R.I.P. parking space up front is reserved just for an old vulture like me since I’m too toxic for trash and too dried up for glue. But alas my lasting legacy can slouch tall since good fortune befalls all the recycled riches and ‘green’ goods I have diligently scavenged and ‘saved’. You see, regardless of my own final dark fate, the scraps and stuff I leave behind will forever serve as a shining light of hope, values, and a renewed productive life as a ‘plastic bin full of junk’.

WATER crackers & whine!

Though at times I have been accused of being NUTS, the truth is when it comes to party snacks, I trend more toward the institutionalized ‘cracker’ category of insane behavior. Up until recently for empty calories, I have been a huge fan of just about any kind of crispy, baked, unleavened chip off of the old Matzo block. But then the holidays ‘harked-up’ on me, and my friends and family began to assail both my wagging tongue n’ tail with an EXCESS of handsomely baked and boxed salty encounters of the unexplained kind.

Hey if you want to tempt me with a truckload of Triscuits or weigh me down with a wide-load of Wheat Thins then we’ll get along fine, but what’s the deal with these pasty n’ tasteless , white ‘WATER crackers’? What kind of self-respecting baker cooks up a nasty cracker without any flavor OR color and then markets it as a delicacy rather than a mistake? I mean we all DO know that this salt-lick chip is really just a modern take upon a hunk of civil war hardtack, and is only truly edible with about a pound of flavored goo all over it right?

I understand that little reminders of plain-Jane austerity help keep me humble but isn’t the fact that I drive a twelve year old shopping cart and consider SPAM a wholesome food group enough for people anymore? Along with my life, I already DARN my socks too, so is it too much to ask that beyond saltines, can the rest of the crackers associated with me be appropriately colored and deliciously savory? That means even your cheesy ‘Goldfish’ will find a good home in my gut as long as they leave their rainbows back at the Farm and show up dressed ONLY in orange.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my extended familial troop and they are always welcome to swing by my doorstep any time of the year bearing pawn shop worthy loot and yes, even marginally edible snacks. However, so as to finally exhaust my ‘un-holey’ apocalyptic supply of indestructible ‘Yuuch-arist’ wafers on hand, I will insist on one minor change in the future. Beyond the customary nightly delousing and group grooming, everyone MUST consume their own body mass in these bland and banal 'nasty-crackers' … but don’t worry it won’t hurt - 'cause it’s just ‘Water Weight Gain’!

A nasty ‘Tax Santa’ note from Francis Pharcellus

Well I hope you have been nice instead of naughty this year because the holidays are just around the corner. Actually what is unique this year is that it really doesn’t matter if you have been mean, a Saint, or even if you are Christian, Jewish, or any religion at all. In fact, it matters not if you’re lucky, stinking rich, or odor-free and make less than $250,000 per year, because “YES, there is a ‘Tax Santa’ coming to town, Virginia and he doesn’t discriminate!”

By the time you are putting out the torn up wrapping gift packaging on the curb this year, and getting your favorite New Year’s kazoos tuned up, ‘Tax Santa’ is going to make your 2011 extra special indeed. According to television commentator and the ‘American’s for Tax Reform’ spokesman, Ryan Ellis, there will be three waves of added tax burden heading everyone’s way. The first pointy part of this tax trident is the much ballyhooed ‘Bush tax cuts’ which will expire on January 1, 2011. Regardless of your politics, this simply means your personal income tax rates will rise to just under 40% for the highest bracket and unbelievable 50% increase for folks going from the old 10% rate to the 2011 lowest bracket of 15%.

I don’t wish any of you ill will, but if you have to die, like Scrooge says ‘you had better get on with it’ because there currently is no death tax, but in 2011 it will be 55% of your estate if you have over a million bucks worth of stuff. I know a cool million seems like a lot of net worth but consider this. If you have worked your whole life for a nice paid-for home, maybe a vacation place, and of course a handsome 401K to live out your life, you probably will fall into this bracket. What is MOST frustrating is that by doing EVERYTHING RIGHT, and by saving and sacrificing extra spending cash today in order to be self-dependent tomorrow, the government feels it is entitled to better than half your estate. Did somebody forget that on almost all of that cash, dividends, and those worldly possessions that you own, you have paid sales taxes, annual property and Federal taxes, insurance, and maintenance out of your pocket ALREADY?

Speaking of all that stuff too, you have been so good this year, you deserve even MORE from ‘Tax Santa’s’ big bag of tricks. Dividend income taxes will increase over 160% to around 40% of their value, the child credit will be cut in half, capital gains taxes will rise by 25% and the ’marriage penalty’ will return. The second part of this Grinchy trifecta of taxation will of course be the Healthcare bill passed last year. From the 10% tanning tax in July to higher excise taxes on ‘branded’ drugs, everything (except our spirit) is ‘looking up’. Taxes on employer health care plans that are ‘too good’ or ‘not good enough’ will affect nearly EVERYONE with higher costs and taxation - NOT just the advertised evil profiteer and small business making over $250 thousand big ones. There are over 20 new tax hikes alone and 20 thousand pages of added regulations, just associated with this healthcare bill. In 2010, you worked 231 days or 63% of the year, just to pay for your government’s burdens. That is over a MONTH longer than just a couple of years ago and no doubt AT LEAST a couple of weeks less than the taxes required in 2011.

The final point of the wicked tax trident will be a 700% increase in families forced into paying the Alternative Minimum Tax (AMT), as well as loads of new tax hike goodies and slashed expensing for businesses. AMT was originally enacted in 1969 to force the top 155 income earners of the day to calculate and pay a higher tax rate since their ‘normal’ deductions were so massive that the effectively paid no tax under the regular tax system. In 2011, due to inflation, over 28 million taxpayers will have to calculate their taxes under both the regular system and alternative tax code, then pay whichever is the higher amount. Small Business will only be able to ‘Expense’ equipment and tools to $25,000 instead of the previous figure 10 times that amount. Larger business will only be allowed to ‘Depreciate’ tools rather than expense half of them as before, which results in what? – yep, less new machinery purchased which means LESS jobs.

Sorry to ruin your holidays so early and with such a downer. It’s just time that regular VOTING people wake-up and understand that we are literally eating ourselves alive here. The government oddly continues to de-incentivize investment in business, R&D, job growth, all the while spending money and adding taxation at an un-sustainable rate. These tax hikes take away deductions from teachers and ordinary households who rely on tuition deductions for kids in schools and college. No more classroom deductions or Cloverdale education account tax breaks. Even charities are hurt since IRA charitable deductions will be disallowed, so what was once a donation anticipated by a wealthy donor will simply shift to yet another tax payment. There are only 100 pennies in every dollar. When you take away, even a fraction of a cent for some perceived public need, that is a fraction LESS of personal wealth that you individually control. At some point you run out of pennies and … uh well, - Christmas is officially over. Sadly then, all we’ll be able to say is “NO Virginia, there is no Santa Claus – he lost his way and was TAXED TO DEATH.”

Milk seems to grow on trees

Despite the popular contention that milk is extracted from mammalian beasts of burden, it is my thinking that the stuff must be growing on trees. The reasoning goes that regular dairy foods of all kinds seem prevalent in every town and store, while even non-standard varietal milk products too, seem to be growing in popularity. Though I don’t often drink it this way, but if milk is left to its own devices especially in warmer weather – just like trees, it will GROW GREEN.

Now I know that most of our milk here is derived from happy cows who are basically kept year in and year out pregnant which results in milk production that humans as well as calves like to drink. I am thankful everyday that entrepreneurs never started breeding pigeons for ‘crop milk’, which is nutrient-rich cottage cheese slime that all good pigeon moms ‘up-chuck’ out of affection for their young. Oddly with human squabs, it is they who regurgitate their LOVE, after their mothers feed them milk or just about anything else.

Around here I am blessed with vats of both white 2% milk for the wife and skim milk for the kid. We also stock a carton of shelf-stable Almond milk for I’m not sure what and powdered buttermilk for cooking. Of the chocolate varietals, we have a carton of chocolate flavored soy milk and of course packets of sugar, cocoa, and milk powder to make ‘hot chocolate’. I assume these products come from ‘black beans’, ‘Black Angus cows’, or Coco Chanel, but I am not sure exactly how they are extracted?

I am amazed at the amount of milk marketing that goes on these days. I have been featured on not one, but TWO milk cartons, and I can honestly tell you I am still as lost as ever. I think there is probably something about that milk that grows on trees, which does not make me ‘right’ in the head? Because most of my insanity can be traced back to when I was very young and was hit on the head by a container of milk. Ever since then I have been certifiably ‘COCONUTS’.

Designer "SunGasses"

Hey I get it, you are supposed to protect your eyes from V.D., U.V., B.O., or some other random alphabet pairings of harmful sun rays. I think sunglasses are so great in fact that I even own a pair. But what I don’t get is the need to have fifty pairs of sunglasses or some designer initials glued on my face?

When did the world change so much from being ALMOST practical? When I was a kid, I do not remember everybody having lots of sunglasses or lots of anything for that matter. I knew we were not rich growing up, but I did not feel poor either. I always had what I needed to comfortably navigate through any given day, sunny or otherwise; but I just did not have lots of extras to waste.

Now it seems that everything from eyewear to underwear comes in various colors, styles, and designer brands. Honestly now at least with sunglasses somebody might actually notice that name brand advertisement framing your head. But how many people do you PURPOSELY introduce to your designer under-duds, bundling your rump every day? I’m thinking if it is a high number then it is inversely reflective of your I.Q.

I also don’t understand why the most expensive Sunglasses have the dorkiest names. I thought you are supposed to be ‘ultra-cool’ when you sport those top-flight, self-darkening Aviators? Is ‘OAKLEY’ really a great name? I don’t see people EVER naming their kids ‘Oakley’ and living to admit it. Now I have traveled coast to coast, and I have met many a hippy and hillbilly. But not one of these folks has had the guts to name any of their clan ‘Oakley’.

And what about ‘Ray-Ban’ – does anyone named Ray actually own these things or is the privilege strictly for the rest of us ‘un-RAY-diated’? 'Ray-Ban' sounds like a bad knock-off battery to me or maybe Flash Gordon’s interstellar ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy. I don’t know, maybe I should breakdown and invest in pair of designer sunglasses that match my skivvies? If I do, you’ll be the first to know. Just look for the easily recognizable and famous maker’s initials – P.U. !

Inventory control

We deal with quite a few different charity groups. It is enjoyable work and the friends and the generous people we have met, make it all worthwhile. Depending on the group, we have recurring activities which may happen every month or two (like a potluck) all the way to large scale events that happen yearly. Each event or project usually involves some type of consumable, publication, give-away, tool, sign, or paper. All of these things obviously require counting, storage, expiration control and inventory access.

Having inventory always makes me happy though most businesses and accountants hate the stuff. I know somebody has to count it all, maintain insurance and reasonable care to ensure its safety and it is a hassle to move around. Many times that task falls upon me because I want to do it. I feel a little more ahead of the game when we can save and re-use stock rather than always buying new – as long as we can find the stuff. To help with that chore we keep lists of each organization’s assets and box their stuff all together. In between the rafters in the garage attic, I have labeled each open space with a location number. Whenever we box up goodies, they get assigned a space and hopefully even when I soon forget what and where I have, the inventory control list will not fail me.

We don’t have a large enough family to consume food at a rate to completely rotate stocks. So while I do not maintain months of food stores, I do try to always have more than one of just about anything I might need. It will frustrate me greatly if I am missing condensed milk or something like that. The next time I go to the store I will buy two of the missing item even if I do not use it very often. The real danger in business as well at home is when you start hoarding TOO much stuff ‘just in case’. The more goods you store, the more stuff you lose physically or due to expiration, so it is a balancing act on what is an appropriate amount of anything you stock.

Except for food we try to keep inventory based on its expected useful life. Even if one of our non-profits has a box of tape in reserve but they have not used it in 5 years, it may be subject to disposal. New tape should be budgeted for on the next project even if we HAVE inventory. The reason for this is when stock is not used, such as adhesives, paper, plastics etc. – they will all degrade in performance over time. As for food, you should always use First in First out (FIFO) for safety and best flavor quality.

You can even apply these methods to used stock, or garage items. Date or color code when you purchase any consumable thing. Fertilizer and seeds might be noted as having a 6 month shelf life. Gasoline and glue may be a year. Other chemicals, tape, and paint may be good for 3 years or so. A couple of times a year check your inventory for ‘useful’ life. If an item is due for disposal and you haven’t used it, you can either, throw it away, give it away, or sell it at a yard sale. Obviously you can always re-tag it if you feel it has additional useful life. But from my experience, if you are not using fresh stock regularly it will go bad when you DO need it. Often it is far better to just NOT stock short shelf life products at all and buy them new for the next project. See that’s not so hard. Now go count your FRIENDS instead of all that stuff piling up in your garage; but never ask them their expiration date – that’s RUDE!

New and improved

Those three words ‘new and improved’ almost never REALLY mean that. In fact when I see that on a package, my stress level goes up because I know I am in store for a lot of work ahead. This is primarily because manufacturers often like to mess with packaging by making product physically bigger or fatter, but in the end, they put less of the thing in the package so the total quantity goes down. I want to use products that I know because I do not have to keep going back and recalculating price to product ratios.

I particularly hate messing with paper products. It seems like every day toilet paper and paper towels have discovered a new and better way to absorb water or … uh whatever. REALLY? I mean how many ways are there really to suck up liquid. What’s next, each paper towel comes with its own straw and you sit there and suck up the spills yourself? Yeah why not – It’s certainly new and should work just fine. You know if you hear the code words ‘super soft’ or ‘thick and absorbent’, - it may be technically true, but you are only going to get about 10 tissues out of the puffy box with flowers on it and have to take out a loan to pay for it.

Canned goods seem most often to leave quantities alone and just raise the price when they need to. That’s probably because kids are not walking the aisles of supermarkets demanding spinach or cans of white northern beans for energy snacks. No they want the brightly colored cookie and cereal packaging with Elves, Fairies and all kinds of characters with hats, happily eating sugar and flour products. Kid’s do not care if Chips Ahoy secretly went from 20 ounce packages to 18 ounces at the same shelf price. All they know is that the bright blue package LOOKS exactly the same and they NEED IT NOW!

So be on guard when you see any package that the manufacturer have updated. Sometimes if you’re lucky, the company may indeed have a promotion going on and will offer you an extra foot or two of duct tape if you buy a dozen rolls. Heck if you need to bind hostages (or kids) regularly and like the stuff, why not even stock up a little? As for me, my blood pressure will increase and I will start to feel the sweat on my brow when I turn to the supermarket paper aisle. Yes I don’t need eagle vision to see that annoying yellow star on the paper towels from a mile away. It reads “NOW SUPER ABSORBENT” – oh god, I hope these towels don’t make ME suck up my own sweat … at least not at THAT PRICE!!!

Trash day in Suburbia

This week was momentous around here. We received a NEW trash can courtesy of the city. It has a serial number on it just like money, so it must be valuable? It is unusually large, tough and sturdy. They say that it is the equivalent of three normal size trash cans, so you can imagine this thing looks like a big blue hunky linebacker with wheels. My wife was quite pleased because she has been sick of our personal trash cans for well over a year. Yes I admit they were a tad offensive to the neighborhood as they were cracking and wobbled a little. I felt the duct tape ‘belt’ around the middle of the cans was a practical touch that gave them character, yet still kept MOST of the discards inside.

The very first thing I put in the new trash can was the other trash can. It probably could have fit whole, but I took the time to cut it up and stack it neatly inside. When you think about it, a trash can is the only NEW thing that you immediately WANT to mess up? I actually felt a little bad about putting trash in it. It was so shiny and new – if it had power steering I might consider driving it instead of my car. Nah that would never do in the summer, I need air conditioning too.

I actually enjoy driving through the neighborhood on trash day. Long ago I learned to suppress my urge to actually dig in my neighbor’s trash for treasures. But like an alcoholic, the desire never completely leaves you especially when your neighbors taunt you. I hate it when they throw away better stuff than what is actually SITTING in my house and being used right now? I have always prescribed to the idea that at any given moment, most anything you want is being thrown out by somebody else. It’s like Newton’s 3rd law of trash picking.

So I am starting out this Earth day on cloud nine. With the addition of these new trash cans, my life’s looking up since the neighbors can’t look down on me anymore for having the worst cans on the street. But still, why couldn’t our city favor our neighborhood equally with something with more curb appeal, like handsome matching mailboxes rather than dirty ol’ trash cans? Somebody in suburbia must have noticed that we are in need of some attention in the postal area too, right? Oh no, I had better not give my wife any more ideas – I just got her used to the duct tape strap holding MOST of the mail in the box!

No Waste Tort Reform

On occasion I get a question or comment which requires far more than a single sentence or ‘witty’ explanation and gratuitous wink, to adequately answer. By in large, these posts are meant to entertain rather than deliver hard news, so rarely will I run back to back ‘sourced’ essays on the same, (particularly serious), topic. However this will be one of those rare exceptions so bear with me. I typically post twice per day, so if political/economic/legal theory and debate is not your cup of tea, then be sure to check back in twelve hours. I’ll brew you up a tall, cup of smooth chamomile to make up for my transgressions. Now THAT’S what I really call a ‘tea party’!

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I believe that TORT reform as popularly defined, is related to malpractice and Doctor liability. I concede that many sources will cap savings from such reform at about 2% of the current national healthcare expenditure. While that is low, it is a SAVINGS nonetheless, approaching $55 billion annually rather than an expenditure. I will never understand why the current legislation (now law) refused to address this AT ALL and pretend the healthcare bill was a COMPLETE legislative effort?

Further, as noted in the Beacon source linked here, in Missouri, the State saw insurers profits increase as much as a 20% when liability claim caps were imposed by law. These same firms were constantly losing money in malpractice payouts just before legislation was passed. So what is a REASONABLE expectation of savings if malpractice liability is controlled? I, nor anyone else can definitively say? However by NOT addressing the issue at all, Congress in all certainty has left significant money on the table.

I personally also feel that malpractice is but ONE factor in TRUE tort reform. Using Social Security disability claims as an example, current law allows UNLIMITED appeals to claim denials. Consider that for a moment. Regardless if your disability is legitimate or NOT, a cadre of highly trained Social Security researchers, medical specialists, U.S. attorneys, and civil service personnel will review your entire case history. Your alleged disability, expert testimony, you, and your counsel will receive a private hearing before a Federal judge, adjudication officer, and other Federal civil service support staff.

Once a legal opinion is rendered, if positive, you begin collecting your claim from the Social Security pool (rapidly closing in on bankruptcy). If your claim is DENIED, your attorney simply goes down the hall and files an appeal, and the case begins a NEW file and starts through the process again. Eventually If that appeal isn’t going well, your attorney obtains a new expert or some other evidence and YES, files yet AGAIN even while the current appeal is STILL pending? It is simply a numbers game in hopes of eventually finding ANY judge who might interpret the claimant's evidence in their favor to secure payment on their disability request.

Imagine the cost to the taxpayer for a SINGLE cycle in this process regardless of legitimacy of the claim. Also imagine the disheartening reality that no matter how hard those highly skilled civil servants work, they will NEVER get ahead, much less dream of ‘catching-up’. Just in this SINGLE U.S. BUREAU, the result has been a five-fold explosion or more in repeat legal claims over the past decade.

Now mind you, I am not arguing the particular NEED for this program or the validity of the government adjudication process itself. The system was designed with high ideals as a safety net for truly disabled workers with few options. However, in reality this department has become reflective of the problems encountered across the whole of big government. The out of control costs of processing endless legal claims, counter claims, appeals, and resultant payouts cannot be sustained forever. Despite good intentions and its effort to be a all things to all people, at some point, if continually burdened, even the most powerful economic engine, will eventually fail to move forward on track and stop working.

Tort reform in the TRUEST sense, is far more than taking the myopic view of simply addressing malpractice liability. Effective cost savings and system-wide service improvements, can be realized with a comprehensive plan to reign in ALL legal waste and claim redundancy. Only then can a complete legislative solution be crafted to protect the long term health of not only our citizenry, but our bloated and obese government as well.

Census Redux

It’s Here – It’s Here! I cannot believe it but finally the ACTUAL census form has arrived. I know I am impatient but it feels like it has taken 10 years to get here. Better still, it is not some ordinary ‘utility bill sized’ thing but a big, grown-up, 6 inch by 9 inch envelope with a plastic window in it.

Usually the mail’s importance in our home is ranked by exterior size. Little postcards are on the low rung and of little importance, followed by small envelopes and the normal size envelope majority that you see every day. The queen of envelopes is our census-sized letters, followed by the KING - the catalog sized flat which demand a high level of respect regardless of contents.

Oh sorry I got off topic – must be too much excitement? It’s just so overwhelming to get a REAL letter from the government rather than a letter telling me ANOTHER letter is coming. Anyway, the Census ... well it looks like it won the fight despite being black and blue all over. It actually folds out rather nicely like a menu. I kind of wish there were brightly colored pictures after each item like at Denny’s. Then I would not have to fill out anything, I could just point to my answers to the census questions.

Speaking of questions, there really are not that many. We were a little surprised that after all this work, there wasn’t a single query about income? I guess the government knows that after they get through with each of us, everyone will be in the same financial bracket as them – BROKE.

Right off the bat I was a little confused because the paper delineates who in my family NOT to count. I guess they assume my kid in college and the rest of my family in prison will take the time to fill out this form on their own? Fat chance – college kids won’t even take the time to VOTE and Prisoners are not known for executing their civic responsibilities with pride?

Next I could not remember my age and sadly my wife could not either. So we had to count backwards using BOTH hands. It was really hard because I am all thumbs at such things? There is a bunch of confusing stuff on race so I just skipped all of it and wrote-in “all of the above” because I am well bred. Question #10 then proceeds to ask if I live somewhere else sometimes like college or in a prison? WHAT? – I thought they specifically said I should not count those people back in question #1? It’s obvious, I am just not a good test taker.

The balance of the census is much the same except after 6 people living in my home, they quit asking about all the race stuff for the rest of my commune. I figure by ‘Person 7’ they’ll decide I’m lying anyway and will just throw out the whole form? So what if I mistakenly add a few people – what are they going to do sue me? Oh yeah I forgot, they also sent a form which says, my answers are SO CONFIDENTIAL, that law enforcement, tax collectors or lawyers cannot use them even under a “Freedom of Information Act” request for the next 72 years?

So if nobody can use any of the information by law – what’s this stuff for again? Oh that’s right - so we can ensure the People of the United States have a REPRESENTATIVE Congress! That will be a welcome change, considering the way our current Congress ignores our wishes and rams through budget-busting bills. You’d think, census or not, the way our government behaves now - We the people really JUST DON’T COUNT!

The REAL lottery winners

Just like everyone else, I feel a tinge of excitement when I hear news of a huge lottery payout. Hey, I’m human after all - we can all use another $100 million or so in the bank for a rainy day - right? No I’m not a gambler in general but I especially avoid the lure of those impossibly long odds of the multi-state lotteries. Even with elephant-sized lottery cash on the line, picking tickets is of little consequence, because I’ve already discovered how to pick the REAL winners!

This was not always the case. Once I made a 50 mile round trip excursion to buy lottery tickets from neighboring Illinois for a friend who lived in California. This particular “Power Ball” type game was not available in the West but my friend had heard that the jackpot had ballooned to $300 million so he asked ‘for a favor’. Yes, along with his $50 “investment”, I WASTED 5 bucks of my own on the off chance that I would not get hit by lightning 5 times first before collecting my winnings.

Needless to say it didn’t work out - I got hit by lightning twice that week (joking) and all that time, gas, and hard earned cash were now gone and just a poignant memory (not joking). So a decade later, I recently noticed that some guy in South Dakota won a massive $232 million dollar lottery jackpot. That is not really what caught my attention however. I understand that the winner took the ‘one time’ up-front payout of only $88 million instead of the 20 year low and slow delivery method for his windfall.

Wow, I knew the tax man cometh, but do you mean poor old Mr. Lucky only gets 38% for his trouble? I guess the government is REALLY working overtime trying to help us? Behind these numbers of course is our State government’s claim how lottery sales are such an important benefit to our schools. A little fact checking, at least in Missouri, reveals that the revenue generated to the State’s education budget is a meager 3%. I don’t know about you, but I usually can eat 3% more or less of something and hardly notice it at all?

Further still, since typically by State law, lottery revenue is a DEDICATED RESOURCE, it must be used for State school needs ONLY. Your legislators will begrudgingly honor the letter of the law outwardly, but craftily, behind closed doors, ignore its spirit. By simply shifting discretionary funds that would have ordinarily gone to education over to something else, your lawmakers use lottery revenue to REPLACE school funds NOT ADD to them.

Now that you understand who the big winners are in the lottery lore, do yourself and your loved ones a favor – DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY! If you want to beat the odds and have a better life for your family, run don’t walk to that school you park your kids in and DONATE 25% of your former lottery gaming budget to school supplies or equipment. 100% of your donation will go to where it’s intended (plus it’s tax deductible), and you’ll have 50% leftover to put into an INTEREST EARNING savings account. Oh yes … that final 25%? Well you need a reward for being so smart – so take the family out for an impromptu ice cream celebration! Now I'd BET you know how to pick out the REAL winners too?!

Reflections on glass

Oh boy, now I am really reaching into the exciting nooks and crannies of hot topics. Who in their right mind writes about glass unless they’re in the business, a collector, or simply loves PANE? Well maybe that sentence alone will serve as an adequate disclaimer before you throw caution to the wind and read further?

I started pondering how truly important glass is and how it’s made mostly because I am always trying to clean the stuff. Look around your house and count the windows, mirrors, kitchen items and table tops to see what I mean – glass and irritating ‘smudgey’ fingerprints abound!

Most clear window glass that you come in contact with is made from pulverized sandstone (white sand) combined with soda (yes Arm and Hammer’s corporate ears are burning) and lime. The additives to the sand basically stabilize the melting process, lower the melting temperature, and make the end product strong and impervious to water. Once the three main ingredients are fused together at around 2500 degrees Fahrenheit, other substances can be added to affect color, insulation properties, and reflectivity. All in all, despite the simplicity of the recipe, the results all around you are truly amazing.

Now that YOU are the expert on making the stuff, can somebody help me figure out how to clean it? Yes I use that expensive blue juice but even that can haze. Most of the time AFTER I clean the glass, I have to go buff the surface with a soft cloth to seek reflective perfection. Yeah I tried the newspaper thing too to save paper towels, but in the end, the newsprint makes my hands look like they are covered in shoe polish. The car is no different. I have tried those microfiber cloths with spray foam cleaner. It is not bad, but impossibly difficult to clean that film off the inside of the windshield, built-up from breathing I think? The next time I drive, I have to try holding my breath until I get to the store?

On the outside windows, I use a wet rag at the end of a long pole to try to remove the bird’s disrespectful graffiti. I mix a little vinegar and water so it won’t kill the plants like ammonia will. Squeegees are great but more often than not they bomb me with drips of water and the head slips off repeatedly? Secretly though, when that pole is deployed in all its ’two-story glory’, I do achieve a sense of ultimate power.

Yes It’s as if I am ‘ONE’ with the long lanky finger of God himself as he reaches heaven-ward to personally touch my humble ‘efforts in translucence’. Now I’m not naming names, but when it comes to glass, even with divine intervention I mysteriously seem to always miss at least ONE greasy fingerprint? Coincidence? … I think NOT!

Incensed over the Census

Oh no NOT another rant against government policy – can you find a hobby already? Ok, I’ll keep it short but I just had to express my TOTAL enthusiasm for the Census, and it has not even REALLY started? A couple of months ago when I first saw that the US Census Bureau had approved some mindless non-sensical television ad campaign featuring Hollywood ‘c-listers’ – I knew we were in trouble. The Bureau blew $2.5 million on this ad for the SuperBowl and who knows how much in production costs.

Now I follow the rules, so this TV ad was not directed at me. But humility aside, if I cannot decipher the bigger meaning of the message, then who can? Is the census bureau aiming their media blitz at doctoral Fellows or pop culture elitists – I’m not sure? The ad is in English (sort of?) so clearly it wasn’t directed at folks where English is not their primary language?

Today I received yet another reverberating stroke of genius from the Census bureau – a letter. No not the letter WITH THE CENSUS but a letter SAYING the census will be coming soon? Is anyone amazed that we have any money at all in the U.S. Treasury?? Oops I forgot – WE DON’T, we’re deep in debt! I’m sure it makes sense in some alternate universe (known as Washington D.C) to send a couple of hundred MILLION snail-mail reminder letters as opposed to the ACTUAL mail itself? I remember the Feds did the same thing when they promised that goofy stimulus check awhile back. That one, they sent at least two “It’s coming” letters prior to ever sending the actual check?

I went on the USPS site just for grins and giggles. I punched in a half-ounce, machine handled, presorted first class letter in their pricing form. It only goes up to 9,999,999 pieces of mail. The price per piece came back at a tad over 41 cents. So assume the Feds get a ‘good guy’ rate and they get yet another discount for mailing 200 million letters. In 2001 there were about 120 million single family homes in the US. Add for 10 years of growth, businesses that get the notice as well as apartment units, I think 200 mil, is a fair guess. Assuming the piece rate is 30 cents + a couple of cents for an envelope, a couple more for ink and energy, and finally two pennies more for processing, labor, & transportation to move these gems. That’s a total of 36 cents times 200 million letters or $72 MILLION BUCKS to reach out and touch someone - all on the backs of the AMERICAN TAXPAYER?

Ok, I really do have to find a hobby. Trying to figure out governmental priorities is taxing on the brain … paycheck …. wallet – uh well YOU UNDERSTAND. If you do, then at least you are doing better than I am. In the end, just the 'promotional' budget for the census (not the cost of counting) is about $350 billion. Here is a link to the Superbowl version of the census ad and for more fun here’s the link to another version of the census commercial. Enjoy them since you paid for 'em.

My two cents on O’Charley’s

Of course in challenging economic times, people should keep track of their money. In reality however, you’ll probably do just fine even if you miss a few pennies. I do not have this luxury on a number of fronts. First, I am routinely over-obsessed with fairness. So if something says it is 2 for a dollar then I expect it to be that way. It is not really the money at all – it’s just an 'expectation' thing mostly.

My second challenge is that my wife REALLY DOES account for every penny with proper notation for every thing purchased. That means if you buy gas for a particular car along with gas for the lawnmower, those two expenses need to be broken out in explicit detail. It is best to deal with this by obtaining separate receipts of such purchases and more often than not, I prefer to use credit cards. As opposed to cash, Plastic documents the transaction for me whereas with cash I have to write down expenses on the back of old gum wrappers or makeshift papyrus fabricated from pocket lint.

Now mind you I am not deterred by this process or restricted on purchases in any way. This is not a control issue but it is an accounting issue. My wife NEEDS to know where the money is going and by all measures I support the effort. What’s notable about this, beyond the rigor of bookkeeping, is that I am probably the one who people might associate as being a penny pincher? My wife is not a shopper or much of a consumer for that matter, so she has little inclination to worry about comparative costs on her rare shopping excursions. I on the other hand choose to shop endlessly to find the BEST deal. Only years of therapy have educated me enough to understand that driving all over town to try and save a couple of cents a gallon on gas, COSTS MORE, than just buying the marginally higher priced gas a half mile from home.

What REALLY bugs me though with regard to prices was recently illustrated with an O’Charley’s dinner promotion. This popular chain restaurant is known for its good quality food and reasonably priced menu. So their recent offer of ‘2 dinners for only $15’ struck me as a fairly good value. On television the food looked tasty and seemed like a great destination for my wife and I later in the week. Well then O’Charley’s did something that drives me insane – they offered the aforementioned food deal in the SAME advertisement but they added ‘OR GET AN INDIVIDUAL DINNER FOR ONLY $7.49!!)

WHAT???? You are now offering me BULK pricing of 2 dinners for $15 or individual dinners for only $7.49? Why would I ever buy a dinner meal for two from these people? I may still take my wife to this place but I am telling you right now, she is on her own when it comes to ordering her meal. I did not just fall off the turnip truck – those guys are trying to overcharge me by two cents! I know my rights – I’m an American. This is clearly discrimination against people who like to buy dinners in multiples of two!

Can you imagine the poor Mormon guy pulling into an O’Charley’s with his wives trying to make sense of this deal? “Yeah you and the wife will pay $15 but the sister-wife, she gets the SAME food for a penny less!” This is just unacceptable. I cannot go to O’Charley’s until they change this discriminatory policy.

We need to start standing up for justice in this country and I can proudly say “It starts with me!” I propose all people, - black, white, Mormon – even people without mouths or teeth, should be able to buy O’Charley dinners for the VERY same $7.50 price. I know it seems radical, but in 30 or 40 years from now, this generation will be remembered for fighting the good ‘ food fight’ and not backing down to evil corporate America. I could give you more than my two cents on the subject of fairness, but sadly I just spent it on a pair of dinners? Let’s eat!

Life's Random Observations

Occasionally I have to break from my conventional patter to present a brief compendium of unrelated events that are interesting (at least to me). These topics usually do not have enough tread on the tires to earn a full-blown post individually, but still deserve an honorable mention or re-direct. Enjoy!

This whole “My three words” fad is all over the place again this year, or maybe it never went away? This was started a couple of years back when the ABC network asked people to express their emotion, need, or declaration in only three simple words. It has since been extended and adapted as a technique for goal setting or as a memorial to tragic events by regular folks to even celebrities. You can see tons of examples on the web but only here can you see my almost daily RECURRING sentiment in 3 words …



I had to laugh that Missouri put out a press release that it will join 18 other States in observing ‘Earth Hour’. The State Capitol, the Arch, and Busch stadium will all go ‘dark’ for an hour at 8:30pm on 3/27/10 to promote energy conservation. While the idea is noble, can you imagine the resources required in all these States to go shut down all those flood lights, have public works people shoot the breeze for an hour+ on overtime, then re-start those high powered lights? Yes I get the symbolism but would it not be a ‘teensy’ bit more meaningful if the action ACTUALLY SAVED ENERGY AND MONEY?

These following news items were pretty exciting. The Canadians stepped up again. I have NEVER been a fan of dodge ball, the game OR the movie, but the time lapse ceiling camera adds enough artistic beauty to this clip to make it interesting. Reminds me of my old Uncle Milty's GIANT Ant Farm. Edmonton Journal made this vid:

Now Snuggies on the other hand – those are my cup of tea! What better invention can there be than an ultra-soft, over-sized hunk of warm, cuddly fabric with arm sleeves built in? Oh yeah I remember – that’s called a ROBE! Still, a massive gathering of these ‘mock’ Monks is worthy of a gander. Thanks to the AP for this video:

And finally, who needs Will Rogers when I can just call upon my personal sage? Here lies the passing of one of my Dad’s most recent witticisms out of literally “a cast of THOUSANDS”. . .

"Why should I go to anyone's funeral if they won't come to mine?" – B.H. Camp, 2010

A Band-Aid for Healthcare

I have not spent a bunch of time rallying either for or against the healthcare debate, mostly because what I say or think will not make one iota of difference anyway. So why get a full head of steam built up when there is no train on the track? Did I just channel Will Rogers? No, probably not since there are no steam trains on tracks any longer, ergo the analogy just does not make any sense?

Well that is EXACTLY how I feel about this healthcare bill as written. At 2800 pages long, it is just too much for anyone to get their proverbial arms around, much less actually digest. It confounds me as to what the big attraction is in this bill that makes grown politicians throw caution to the wind along with their potentially long political careers just to cram all of this through RIGHT NOW? Doesn’t that make anyone else just a little bit curious and NERVOUS? Just what flavor of Kool-aid are these folks drinking?

Now I completely understand the President’s reluctance in throwing the WHOLE bill out and starting over. Even if I were naïve enough to believe that Congress really will put the interests of the people FIRST (THIS TIME) over their individual party agendas, I personally don’t think another year of debate will change much? It’s clear that both sides are more interested in gaining a political advantage over each other than solving the basic issues and that drives the public crazy. We know these people are wasting our time, money and worse yet they SUPPOSEDLY work for us? The reality though is that this is AMERICA, not Europe and MOST Americans are not interested in giving up their world-class healthcare availability to emulate inadequate socialized medicine models despite the President's good intentions.

In general I’ll admit it! I am stupid and impatient when it comes to reams of legal descriptions, covenants, and provisions on just about ANYTHING. So why not make it easy on me and anyone like me when these guys go to write a ‘GOOD’ healthcare bill? Quit trying to be all things to all people and bankrupting the system in the process. Take things slow – test a couple of ideas and fine tune the balance to get the BEST answer rather than any old answer. My happy band-aid fix for healthcare is to simply split it up into small parts and let the light of day expose the TRUTH on whatever it is that is being pushed upon us.

If Congress is sincere and they truly can come together on sensible provisions for health plan portability or the elimination of pre-existing condition cut-offs; then VOTE on those pieces now. Put off the provisions that cause the Unions to go nuts, the insurance companies to fight, and the rest of us not to trust anybody that sets foot in Washington.

In the end the REAL problem with healthcare access is ALL cost driven – not features! If you get rid of the obscene LIABILITY exposure for Doctors, Hospitals, medical equipment and drug manufacturers, then you will be a step closer to a workable solution. The government could set strictly DEFINED limited liability schedules and enforce them. No more multi-million dollar judgments for a severed toe or similar misfortune. People would still be protected adequately from abuse or malpractice, but no more re-distribution of wealth in the hundreds of millions to a few lawyers at the expense of the many.

Congress need not concentrate on EXTENDING access if it focuses on driving down COSTS including legal liabilities. As costs lower, and real market-driven solutions take hold, the ideal of increased access and universal coverage will soon become closer to a reality. Will Rogers DID say “People’s minds are changed through observation and not through argument“ so quit bickering over thousands of pages of ‘gotchas’ and legal ‘twists’ for special interest groups. Divide the legislation up into easy-to-understand and small digestible chunks and give them an Up or Down vote. Remember It’s the U.S. taxpayer who is footing the bill, so please try using a band-aid FIRST to fix healthcare BEFORE subjecting all Americans to a Socialist European 'BODY CAST'!

My one sentence answer to take back control of the U.S. deficit

What America needs is a short and sweet super-simple answer to reel in the runaway Federal budget deficit. Forget all the political wrangling, hard to understand legalese, and 3000 page impossibly unreadable Congressional bills. We want real solutions without the endless debate, discussion, and insider in-fighting.

So enough preamble already – spit it out man! Ok, here is goes … I propose the U.S. government simply FREEZE THE BUDGET AS IS, AND ALLOW NO PERCENTAGE INCREASES OF ANY KIND for the next two years in any department, on any bill, ammendment or program. Programs can be REDUCED or eliminated as needed and the money can be reclaimed for new legislation or priorities. But whatever that magic spending number is in 2010, then THAT is EXACTLY THE SAME Budget you get for the next two years. That’s it – no doublespeak Washington math where a “CUT” is simply a reduction in the size of an increase. No hard to understand cost of living formulas, raise pools, indexing, mark-ups, earmarks, shanks, hocks, bacon, ham or all-inclusive PORK!

Now honestly ask yourself, how hard can this be? Yes there may be some marginal inflation or really good folks that could go without a standard step raise for a couple of years. But in reality, most families suffer these kinds of adjustments from time to time and deal with it just fine. If your budget at home gets a little tight, you may choose not to go out to the movies or eat out as often? You may decide to put off getting your car detailed or you’ll switch to buying Pop Tarts from Target (a pretty good value by the way) vs. your corner supermarket? You might ask your kids to help out a bit more or do a family garage sale to generate some fun money? Whatever it is, you adjust right?

If your raise was not quite what you expected this year, did you just collapse in a blubbering heap of self-pity or did you simply move on even MORE determined to make things happen for next year at review time? I think almost everyone has been in a situation like this, so as uncomfortable as these tough circumstances can be, normal people recognize that it is part of life and do just fine.

Yes the solution appears simplistic, but assuming government and its myriad of programs has functioned adequately this year, then there is no reason to think that they cannot do ALMOST as well on a few percentage points less over two more years. Plus I believe from my own experience, when it is time for a little belt tightening, it is amazing what kind of waste you can find in your operations to cut down or eliminate outright. Do you really need 200 channels of cable and a DVR in every room? Do you have time to read Cosmo, Popular Mechanics, Reader’s Digest AND my FREE blog or could you easily eliminate one or more of those costly news sources? (Emphasis on COST not relevancy – so don’t get cute)

You get the point. Government just needs a reset and literally the OPPORTUNITY to look for savings and efficiencies at ALL LEVELS. If everyone pitches in and tries to save supplies here and there, or adjust their workstations to make work easier and FASTER – is that an unreasonable burden during these tough times? Just think, on the Congressional front alone, what will all our representatives have to debate and fight about for the next two years if the budget is already set in stone? They could skip the two martini & Morton's steak once a week and partake in Denny's $5.99 burger and unlimited beverage and fries - what a deal! Maybe it would afford them more time to visit their constituents and truly LEARN what people want and need from government rather than what issues political PARTIES try to manufacture and push to Americans for their own selfish agendas?

On second thought NIX that idea – keep the reps in Washington! Speaker Pelosi’s NEW government funded Boeing 757 (200 seat USAF C-32) runs about $60,000 in fuel EACH WAY on the weekly trip back to her San Francisco home. I think even the Speaker could benefit from a little face … oops (cheap shot - sorry but you KNOW you were thinking it!) BELT tightening? Can somebody please introduce her to SKYPE – its free EVEN FOR Washington POLITICIANS, and it works really, really well!