Friday, May 28, 2010

Boffo Waffle

I broke into a box of frozen golden waffles the other day and paused with reverent reflection. It seems I have enjoyed these sweet breakfast treats since I can remember. But unlike a fine wine critic, as a true waffle aficionado, I have never examined their texture, taste, appearance, and smell in detail.

Now that is a true shame since in most of the circles that I run with, baked goods ALWAYS outrank leftover, bottled ethanol forcibly extracted from fermented fruit. I mean let’s be honest here, have you ever really had an awful waffle – NO you haven’t! But most adults willingly volunteer and revel in their worst experiences with a nasty bottle of vile vino.

So I set out to compare what makes a frozen waffle so special. I tried the big round ones, the little round ones, the connected pair of rectangles, and the cavernous crenulations of the mighty Belgian. In fact I sampled every kind of waffle geometry known to man and even a few enlightened women. In short I did my research and I have the waistline to prove it. Please indulge me with a bit of poetic license for my summary review:

Oh frozen waffle so pale and yellow, your pocked mark exterior beckons me ’hello’

How can I resist your sumptuous ardor; when spying you alone, intoxicates more

I shall toast all shades , darkness and light; and then I will feast from daybreak to night

Syrupy sweet, melted tubs of butter; sugar powdered whispers, ‘YES – let’s have another’

Regardless thy name, the same FLAVOR at minimum; Orignial, Homestyle, Buttermilk and Cinnamon

Why must you taste so impossibly good; for my gut keeps expanding beyond where it should.

So take heed dear friends, tale true of said waffle; not a bad one among them - all were quite BOFFO!


  1. Thanks so much for dropping by the old back porch, Billy. Your compliments are very much appreciated. I have not been to the state fair since summer of '83. I wonder if I would survive all the walking, these days!
    I have just finished reading your posts, back to Monday. Loved Happy Feet and thought as I read...your daughter is returning to her Hillbilly roots...doncha know. I'm with your mom, on this. I am barefoot until the snow flies and wear sandals or flip flops when I leave the house. I am happy to hear Miss D, is following in our footsteps.

  2. Loved the poetry but nary a word was said about HOMEMADE WAFFLES! What's up with that? With a homemade waffle, the flavor possibilities are endless!! :)

  3. SOMEHOW... you made a frozen waffle sound good to me right now. Kudos.

  4. Yeah I missed HOMEMADE waffles and Blueberry frozen ones too. All we have is one of those Belgian waffle makers. 1st off the indentations are enormous so each hole takes a half bottle of syrup to fill. Second, even a quarter of one is more than enough to eat. I need to get one of those Scandinavian heart THIN waffle makers and try some interesting flavors. Honestly though, all I ever seem to make is the basic flour/vanilla waffle batter. I guess that's why frozen varietal waffys are the goto choice around here for fast and fragrant caloric distribution. Thank you all for your kind comments. - W.C.C.