Traumatized idols

With the exit of Simon Cowell on American Idol last night and the end of the television program LOST, this has no doubt been a traumatic week for many serially addicted TV watchers. I have not reviewed the actual market share numbers of these finales but no doubt the numbers will be big for their respective time slots and the broadcast networks who screened them.

I have never watched American Idol but I am well aware of Cowell’s acerbic persona and mop-haired ‘too cool for school’ image. I think I might like this show if they would get rid of the remaining judges, contestants, and the music, so I could be alone with my thoughts - now that’s GOOD TV. I have watched Lost a few times over the years but I cannot call myself a fan. Most of the time, the plot was so complex and the cast so large, I literally found myself, well … LOST whenever I tuned in.

It always seems the first few weeks and the last few weeks of a television show generate the most buzz and therefore the most viewers. So I have surmised that if I were a big shot television brain, I would come up with a new cable channel dedicated to screening ONLY pilot episodes and finales in my programming schedule. Think how much time my cable channel would save you if you only had to watch just the American Idol finalists named in one hour and then the winner crowned in the next?

And how about all those infomercials – who needs all the fluff and set-up when all we really want is answers to the big finish questions? Yeah, just tell us the payments, how many bonus gifts are included, and where in the recesses of my kitchen is there room for yet ONE more giant, un-used ‘griller spinner choppa choppa whiz bang’ gadget? Ok, since you’re now convinced that the finale of something is far better than the gooey nougat center, I had better cut this off before you get hooked. Yeah, if I wanted to traumatize all the readers who idolize me, I would simply SING … to myself!