Saturday, May 29, 2010

Red Red Vine

Now lets not quibble about it because you know it’s true. There are only two types of people out there and they are the Twizzler OR the Red Vines candy licorice addicts. There is no middle ground here except of course if you have some rare mental condition that allows you to actually enjoy REAL licorice.

While I freely admit that both Twizzlers and Red Vines are far more candy than licorice, I make no apologies for firmly falling in the Red Vines camp. I don’t ordinarily have a huge sweet tooth but my dentist has pulled all the rest of my smaller teeth. I do make an occasional exception however, for gummy Starbursts, Hot Tamales, and Bit O’ Honey candies. These sweet tidbits however, are no match for sinewy spiraled 3 pound TUB of Red Vines for a quick caloric rush of empty calories!

Now my Mother and my Aunt are very strange people. They actually pick out those nasty black, licorice flavored, jelly beans. Why is anyone in my family willingly eating something that looks like the yard leftovers after a frightened deer and rabbit convention? I never learn, as at least once a year I too will eat a black jelly bean just to try and remember why I hate them so. About once every decade, I also will still find and chew a stick of nasty licorice-flavored Black Jack gum and quickly understand why only old time candy shops sell the stuff. In the late 19th century when ‘Choo Choos’ were king, Black Jack’s claim to fame was that it was the FIRST ‘Chew Chew’ with FLAVORING and the first STICK gum sold in the U.S.

So are you a real black licorice fan with a historical appreciation for that nasty perennial or just a Walgreen’s wannabe ‘Vine-O’, like me requiring a candy intervention? Yeah I’m afraid I have gotten into the Red Vines tub too deep and I am spiraling down into an addicted out of control ‘Vine-oholic’. At least the warning signs are easy to spot. I’ll be the guy seeing RED, standing at the freeway off-ramp with a sign that reads … “Will NOT work for TWIZZLERS”


  1. You may not believe it, but I like ALL of them. Red vines, Twizzlers, REAL black licorice. I really do! But I love candy in general. I have to put myself on "candy fasts" so I don't eat it. Yesterday on a road trip back from Arkansas, I ate SIX long Laffy Taffys. I wish I had some now! :)

  2. Years ago, my Dad, who painted billboards on the road for an Adv. Co., brought a pack of BlackJack from Wyoming. He said all the Cowboys, Indians and Oilfield Roughnecks chewed it up there. I chewed it so I'd be like those "real men." Not bad. I still think of this when I see it for sale today. I tolerate the anise flavor in candy but not overdosed in Italian food.