Red Red Vine

Now lets not quibble about it because you know it’s true. There are only two types of people out there and they are the Twizzler OR the Red Vines candy licorice addicts. There is no middle ground here except of course if you have some rare mental condition that allows you to actually enjoy REAL licorice.

While I freely admit that both Twizzlers and Red Vines are far more candy than licorice, I make no apologies for firmly falling in the Red Vines camp. I don’t ordinarily have a huge sweet tooth but my dentist has pulled all the rest of my smaller teeth. I do make an occasional exception however, for gummy Starbursts, Hot Tamales, and Bit O’ Honey candies. These sweet tidbits however, are no match for sinewy spiraled 3 pound TUB of Red Vines for a quick caloric rush of empty calories!

Now my Mother and my Aunt are very strange people. They actually pick out those nasty black, licorice flavored, jelly beans. Why is anyone in my family willingly eating something that looks like the yard leftovers after a frightened deer and rabbit convention? I never learn, as at least once a year I too will eat a black jelly bean just to try and remember why I hate them so. About once every decade, I also will still find and chew a stick of nasty licorice-flavored Black Jack gum and quickly understand why only old time candy shops sell the stuff. In the late 19th century when ‘Choo Choos’ were king, Black Jack’s claim to fame was that it was the FIRST ‘Chew Chew’ with FLAVORING and the first STICK gum sold in the U.S.

So are you a real black licorice fan with a historical appreciation for that nasty perennial or just a Walgreen’s wannabe ‘Vine-O’, like me requiring a candy intervention? Yeah I’m afraid I have gotten into the Red Vines tub too deep and I am spiraling down into an addicted out of control ‘Vine-oholic’. At least the warning signs are easy to spot. I’ll be the guy seeing RED, standing at the freeway off-ramp with a sign that reads … “Will NOT work for TWIZZLERS”