Aero-sol Man

When I was just a young pup aerosol products were in high demand. Yes I can remember my pubeSCENT pride as I would wander off to shower and then suck-up a foggy toxic cloud of spray-on deodorant. Even then, with no sense of ecology or a true care in the world, I pondered ‘why is there more spray fouling the air as compared to my armpits’. (Few things WILLINGLY compare themselves to MY armpits) Who cares about CFC’s ? My ego and my public, demand that my ‘ pits’ remain fresh, dry, and relatively stink-free!

So it is no surprise that over the last thirty years or so, even non-ozone depleting aerosols have kind of a sketchy reputation. Yet oddly I was surprised to see how many things I use in my daily life that still depend on some kind of compressed air for delivery. (Not including the ‘hot air’ of course which magically keeps this blog afloat)

In the laundry room I have spray starch which I honestly think is just hair spray in a re-marked package. I rarely use this gunk for pressing shirts anymore but it is dandy stuff for dryer lint sculptures. (Oh c’mon you know you want to try it now) We also have some of that spray-on dusting stuff for furniture. It works fine I guess because the bean bag chairs and cardboard box end tables never looked shinier.

In the garage is where compressed air is still king. Like everyone we have a myriad collection of half-used spray paint cans. No kidding I’ve got this stuff in ‘Highway Orange’, ‘John Deere Green’, and even ‘Polished Gold’. They are great but they are always getting clogged and I get a little woozy from sucking those little push-button nozzle heads to keep ‘em clean. Of course I am a huge fan of silicone spray and WD-40 but I always lose that impossibly tiny straw that they sell and stick on the side of the can. Really, this is the plan to prevent loss of a tiny component – TAPE it onto a can of grease?

I have a couple of single-action airbrushes but rarely have need to pin stripe my business suits anymore - I leave that job to the professionals in Hong Kong now. I have considered fitting the thing with a special nib so I could apply Sp-40 sun tan lotion. The problem is when you get my size, by the time you spray and protect half your body, the other half resembles well-done deep-fried bacon. I have a ‘pancake compressor’ which runs air tools well, but it does a lousy job at keeping the pancakes ‘fluffy’’. The blower attachment works fine though and keeps my starfish arm ‘Swimmies’ inflated along with my incredible EGO. It might be a good idea to stand ‘up-wind’ though, you never know when that big ‘air head’ is going to POP!