Zeus’s revenge

Don’t take me to task too much for the tongue and cheek reporting on the burning of the ‘King of Kings’ sculpture in Monroe Ohio. I did not have an axe to grind with the Solid Rock Church along Interstate 75 in Ohio but apparently somebody who had the ‘hots’ for lawn gnomes DID.

Yes sadly, the church’s 62 foot high sculpture of Jesus with outstretched arms reaching for the sky apparently ‘sparked’ some interest since it was hit by lightning and then proceeded to burn to the ground. I actually thought as Jesus sculptures go, this one was pretty good so the full-frontal torching was a bit ‘overdone’, but nowadays everyone is a critic. My only suggestion is next time give the poor guy some legs and Nikes so he can move fast to stop, drop and roll away from the flames.

I have no doubt that the church will rebuild the six story roadside landmark. What is in question is how will they pay for it? I somehow doubt that anyone would have had the guts to insure the son of god from fire and brimstone. The original statue was made of an obviously highly flammable fiberglass shell over foam and a metal armature at the cost of $250,000. No wonder Jesus was always getting picked on – he was just a softy inside. I’m thinking the next generation v.2 Messiah should be made of rock, tough stucco or maybe those space shuttle tiles. I hope this time they build a staircase up to the crown of thorns or better yet put in a big clock and make J’s eyes move back and forth with quartz precision.

After the blaze was extinguished, I was a little taken aback with that Terminator-looking metal frame though. Hey I’m sure I would feel a little ticked off after being Char-broiled too – but I’m not sure if it is appropriate for the Righteous One to be flipping the double bird to Zeus. Especially so after that embarrassing incident last year with Hera – the spouses are ALWAYS off limits. (Everyone knows those Olympians are far too touchy and competitive)

Yeah, I think the J-man needs to chill out a bit with this statue burning thing – maybe settle into a cave with a cold diet Mountain Dew and sleep on it for, oh I don’t know, let’s say 3 days and 3 nights. By then Zeus will be preoccupied with that scoff-law Poseidon and on to irritating the poor Gulf folks with a nasty hurricane or two. That’ll be the cue to bring on the Quickcrete, ‘cause in the immortal WORD of the one true ‘Prince’ - it’s time to ‘party like its RESURRECTION time again’!