Boogers and Fries

Tonight my wife said we had to run a few errands before dinner. The promise of food is her effective lure as my compensation for the tortures of shopping. We agreed after our stops we would head to a small shopping center for a hamburger. That is not ordinarily an eventful activity but today was disgustingly different.

On our way into the parking lot of our second destination, we saw a uniformed man standing at a bus stop in a green hat. He seemed like an ordinary ‘sub-shop’ guy in every other way; in fact so much so I am not sure why both my wife and I noticed him. It was hot out, so as he raised his hand to his face to wipe his brow, his finger extended and did not stop until it reached its hilt - IN HIS NOSE?.

Excuse my primal,teenage vernacular screaming, but ‘OH MY GOD’?! If that was not bad enough, despite a bit of a gut, ‘Nostril-damus’ proceeded to predict impending hunger, so he popped that tasty morsel into his mouth like he hadn’t eaten for a week. After our ten minute stop, I guided the car back onto the street and can you believe it – ‘sandwich man’(with gusto), snatched yet ANOTHER jalepeno from his double-holed ‘Durante’ and tossed it back faster than you can say ‘chewy satisfaction’.

Now folks, this is why I don’t ride buses any longer and am willing to pay exorbitant fuel costs to drive a surplus Sherman tank around town. I am all for recycling and ‘Green’ transportation but not anywhere near to this ‘nugget cruncher’s’ warped definition. Why on one of my few trips out for good behavior, must the boogeyman PICK this one, to show me the benefits of self-sustaining organic food? I honestly just wanted to put this guy, with his formerly white cap and his obviously ‘gold-finger’, out of my mind and get to the restaurant quick. Needless to say, my wife and I ordered TWO burgers with fries – but predictably. . . we skipped the chunky neon-green relish!