Saturday, July 17, 2010

Sprout out loud!

My wife is always trying to grow bean sprouts. Now that does not seem like a very difficult task since all it really requires is some water soaked bean seeds, a paper towel on a dish, and a clear jar. You probably already guessed they need light to grow. But what you might not know is to grow best, sprouts want to spend about 6 times as much quality time in the DARK as they do in the light.

You see right off the bat we have a problem. Hey I read stuff and I hear things ok - doesn’t legend have it that only BAD things thrive in the dark? I personally don’t like criminals, nasty translucent cave-bugs, or despite Hollywood’s current obsession, ‘pasty- faced’ vampires with overflowing teen angst.

I really do not like organic stuff growing around my sink either. Isn’t that why they invented bleach, Soft Scrub and scouring pads? I resent those moist, green, cracked ovoid bean heads with those creepy, translucent ‘umbilicals’. I don’t like their name either. Who would name their cherished offspring “Mung”? Do I need remind you, that name rhymes with ‘dung’? That alone, is reason enough to shun the dumb sprouts. Because on principle alone, aside from this blog, I try to keep my distance from anything in close proximity to dung.

Honestly I do not know what the attraction is in putting this whispy green hair on sandwiches anyway? If people would just leave the poor seeds alone and give them some suntan time, they may grow up into wonderful proud green beans someday? Then I would love to spend some quality time with them. In fact as best friends, I’d be sure to pick them first to attend my hot tub party and introduce them to my other buddies -Bacon, Salt, and Onion. Mmmm - I love it when good friends get together.


  1. actually 'mung' is pronounced as 'moo-ng'....and they dont really become green beans...not even close. though i do agree to the current fascination of adding sprouted things to a sandwich....kinda strange.

  2. Ha ha! My wife keeps weird things by the sink too. They start growing and sprouting and I am completely grossed out. Great post, my friend.

  3. I have never tried to grow them but that jar seems a little crowded. I remember them being the big hit on the salad bars. Now you don't even find salad bars much at all. Fads - who needs them?

  4. Sprouts are gross. End of story.