Saturday, July 31, 2010

Bullfighting with 'No Offense'

My daughter has mostly avoided the teenage ‘catch’ phrases, and ‘Valley Girl’ ‘up-speak’ inflection that is so common today in the culture of our youth. The reason primarily is that my kid deals with the public quite a bit and she is more comfortable with addressing large groups than most of her peers. However, recently I noted when speaking with me, quite often she prefaces her remarks with the ‘two-word’ bomb - ‘No offense’.

‘No offense’?? Now you see, as soon as somebody says that to me, I prepare myself for the obvious – I am ABOUT TO BE OFFENDED! I am pretty sure the kid is not going to compliment me on my clothing or let me know how attractive my ‘bed head’ hair looks today. In fact I am positive that my daughter is prepared to enlighten me with her vast reserves of worldly knowledge, acquired in her 19 years of life. Clearly she believes that much of what I tell her doesn't quite smell right?

Now of course I would never start a sentence with ‘No offense’ with my parents. I ALWAYS listen reverently to everything that my folks say since they are thoughtful, wise, and quite attractive. Everyone knows that attractive people know lots more and their opinion counts for double that of ugly people. Beyond that fact, my parents have been around the block a couple of decades longer, so as an only child, I think I’m on the short list for some sweet inheritance booty? Yeah the last time I saw them, I had my eye on a book of gas station ‘Green Stamps’ from 1970 and a box of plant seed packets from when K-Mart was known as S. S. Kresge.

Even though, my daughter refuses to ‘rubber stamp’ everything that I say, it’s probably a good thing that kids today learn to challenge authority and express their opinions and expectations clearly. I commend my kid for being compassionate enough to NOT offend me, yet still get her SOPHOMORIC points across. Maybe I should send her in to work on my folks and see if she can NOT offend them too, yet still negotiate an ‘early release’ deal for those Green Stamps and seeds? After all they are just geezer SENIORS right? They probably have forgotten everything that my daughter apparently thinks she knows, but I don’t.

Hmmm – ‘NO OFFENSE’ but this post has really taken a confusing turn and has a distinct aroma of manure about it? Looks like I am finally ready to enter the political arena. You’ll recognize me easily … I’ll be the one with the ’banderilles’ in my back and chasing my daughter's red cape – OLE!!


  1. Oh no. The no offense bomb is painful when it comes from a normal Joe. But when it comes from a teen girl, it can be twice as painful. Good luck with that.

  2. No offense, but.....


    I know, so "expected". Can't be throwing you a curveball with EVERY comment now, can I? You'd be awfully spoiled then.