Sunday, July 25, 2010

5 out of 7 continents recommend this blog

I try not to take too many things personally especially when it comes to my writing. Yeah it is great when somebody ‘gets it’ but honestly half the time after I finish a paragraph, I don’t understand what I just wrote so it is unrealistic to expect ‘outsiders’ to willingly decipher my insanity.

Now like any ‘blah blah blogger’ wanna-be, I have tried to keep up with some general statistics to analyze reader growth, where and what types of posts are most popular, and how long folks stick around to read and stomach my tripe. After 4 months of exhaustive research and literally thousands of data points, I can honestly tell you that I have learned ‘NOTHING’, except that South Americans and the occupants of Antarctica HATE ME?

Hey I am not being over-sensitive here and I know I don’t have mirror site for the Monoblogs in the Spanish language or native Penguin. But you would think after closing in on my 5th month of posts, some ex-patriot drug dealer, retired in the Costa Rican jungle would have the decency to stop by and say ‘Buenos Dias’ Duuude? I even recently took a trip to the zoo to visit their “Penguin Cove” exhibit and have a stern ‘beak to beak’ with the ‘Emperor’ about this unacceptable penguin disrespect. Despite my generous offering of sardines, crackers, and krill, the zoo-keepers still refused to let me see the ‘King’ and marched him away. Can I help it that when unshaven and donning my dapper spotted jacket, I bear a strong resemblance to a fat leopard seal?

In any case, it is obvious that I have my bloggy work cut out for me. I am going to have to step it up a notch if I ever hope to be read (uh ok – maybe black n’ blue) on every continent. I believe there are well over a dozen species of Penguin in the world and untold dialects of Espanol. I could dominate the Antarctic demographic, If only I could get Batman to take care of those pesky ‘snow birds’ and Robin to lay on their eggs. Then South America is a sure-fire snap for satisfying stats, if I simply snag that ‘She Wolf’ Shakira, to seductively guest-blog - or at least ‘SHAKE’ up my readership a bit.


  1. I don't know about Antarctica, but I'm certain NO automatic translator program would make your brand of instantly created and triple-meaning wordplay intelligible in Spanish, or any other lingo.
    Maybe some of us who DO like your blogs should move to some other continents to even up the score.
    I will add that sometimes we feel like doing exactly that.
    But not ALL your fault. :}

  2. oh, this is a perfect opportunity for me to brag a bit about my blog :))) - during the first year, I've had readers and visitors from exactly 179 countries around the world :))) A few more and I've covered the whole world :)

  3. I'm beginning to think South Americans don't own computers. I've YET to receive ONE single hit from South America.

    Heck, even the Russkies are hitting me!

  4. Shakira just might do the trick for ya -- "Hips Don't Lie"!