Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Devil’s spread

What’s the big secret behind the magic of Underwood’s ‘deviled’ ham? I mean anyone with a fork and a sense of mischief can squish, stir, and screw up meaty goo into an unrecognizable mash can’t they? Supposedly this stuff is the oldest food process still in use today, since ol’ Billy Underwood finally got off the pot and secured the 82nd patent for it in 1870.

I have had the pleasure of smearing a few dabs of Underwood’s Deviled Ham on some white bread and there is no doubt it IS GOOD. But honestly, is there really ham in there because all I know for sure is that there is some yellowish liquid grease that floats to the top. The hammy taste is sharp and fizzy to the tongue and best served warm since it coagulates to a pink tasteless paste when cold.

The idea of ‘deviling’ something means it has to have a ‘kick’ or spicy taste to it. So I guess somebody who has close ties to the aging devil’s intestinal fortitude, knows how he needs his ham prepared? I don’t think the Devil has reliably sharp teeth any longer since deviled ham can be sucked up through a straw if need be. I guess the poor horny one’s innards and working parts are full of Maalox and way past their prime now.

So I have a GUT feeling that it’s the SPECIAL processing that’s the big secret behind the Devil’s perfect luncheon spread? Since I am dubious about the TRUE origins of deviled ham though, I still prefer to leave the deviling to eggs. Yes I like my food products squeezed out of plump, free-range chickens rather than settling for the Devil’s intestinal burnt offerings . . . often found under wood.


  1. I don't use potted ham for anything but what we call "dogfood dip." (Because it looks like dog food. It just tastes really good!) you mix in some cream cheese, a little worchestershire sauce and some dried mustard ... BLAM!

    Put on a townhouse cracker and enjoy!

  2. OMG!! You brought up some childhood memories and gag or two. My mom used to TRY to make me eat Deviled Ham sandwiches. Although my brothers fell for her tricks, I never did. I'd sit there all night if I had to. I wasn't about to take a second taste of that stuff, ever!
    But deviled eggs.....yummmm! Thanks, now I have a craving. Guessing I'm going to have to have my son, the autistic one that LOVES to cook, make me up a batch!

  3. Bleccch.

    Oh - and that's TWICE now I've clicked on your doggone netflix ad because the page wasn't finished loading. You planned it that way, didn't you? Admit it. You just made 2 cents from my clicks.

  4. Oh so you're the victim to my Madison Avenue madness!!! Ha Ha - the truth is, I was kind of shocked to suddenly get your 'two cents' in cash rather than in comments? The funny thing is my daughter just gave me a lecture today on how I make LESS from writing than the poorest of the poor Africans who live on $100 a year. I didn't have the heart to tell her it will ALL be hers someday! Thanks for adding to her inheritance. W.C.C.

  5. I think (hope) you meant "The Horned One"
    describing the Devil. "Horny One" makes me
    worry that we could be knee deep in his offspring. And we have enough politicians and
    lawyers already.