Friday, July 2, 2010

'HIGH FIVE' reasons Ozzy's still alive

Although 61 years is not really a record-breaking age to live to anymore, it isn’t bad for a rock-head like John “Ozzy” Osbourne. I don’t think personal longevity is one of the pre-conditions when auditioning for a heavy metal band like Black Sabbath. I mean all the occult stuff, hard booze, drugs, and oh yeah, biting the head off of an occasional bat (The furry flyer kind not the wood baseball ones), usually leads one to a reduced lifespan or at best - rabies.

So since ‘Ozzy O’ has beaten the odds so far, in his foggy and muddled mind, he got the fun idea to hook up with a genome mapping company to find out what makes his DNA tick. Being British and never pale to ale, little did Ozzy know, when the DNA folks asked him to share a pint, they actually meant , a pint of his BLOOD. This should finally dispel the age old myth and definitely prove, you CAN get blood from a turnip.

So CLICK HERE to see a more detailed video summary of the ground-breaking DNA gene science and research expectations from a bag of broken-down Osbourne hemoglobin. Or just skip the egghead explanation and go with my ‘High Five’ reasons Ozzy’s main blood supply is still in ‘circulation’ even if his brain isn’t. Enjoy . . .

1) Ozzy is the poster boy for why ancient Egyptians removed the brain BEFORE mummification

2) Osbourne is the last living model for ‘Hippie-style’ John Lennon sunglasses

3) He is the last U.L. approved test monkey for aggressive shock-treatment centered speech therapy

4) Official hair extension donor for cousin ’IT’ and Lindsay Lohan

5) National ‘spokes-squid’ for the powerful union “Inked Brotherhood of human Cephalopods”

1 comment:

  1. He is one strange lookin' dude, too.

    P.S. What is with this word verification thing? It gave me FERTS. Yeah....the least it could do is spell the word FARTS correctly, since it already has my number.