Elderly Entertainment

As I mentioned we have guests in the house this week. The in-laws have come to visit so our goal is usually to try and do a few interesting things while they are in town. The problem is that they live in Las Vegas. If you have ever been to Vegas you will know that there is literally endless possibilities for entertainment so how can we possibly compete and keep them entertained?

I know what you are thinking – just lock them in a room and force them to read my blog. Well, beyond the fact that it is very questionable whether this qualifies as ‘entertainment’, in some states it might be thought of as torture. So with all river casinos out, and my humor too much of a risk of boring my guests to death, I must leave no stone unturned in search of some age-appropriate fun.

Then, like a golden vision sent down from the mountain top, it occurred to me – THEY’RE OLD! Why am I working so hard to try and find entertainment when everything I need is already right here, IN FRONT OF ME. One of our favorite games is called ‘Hide the Glasses’. Not a day goes by that at least one member of our troop misplaces (or perceives to misplace) his or her spectacles. Invariably after a search party is organized and last steps are re-traced, the mis-located eyewear will be found on the victim’s own head.

If the oldsters are ever short on ‘confusion’, I will unleash my daughter on them to teach them the rules of random card games. Actually my in-laws are quite skilled at Bridge, Hearts, and a variety of strategy card games. My daughter on the other hand is an expert at making up or informing us all LATE of rules and details that are germane to playing new card games correctly. Nobody of any age can hold up long to the length of these games, constant changes, or much less remembering the mind-boggling scoring and rules shuffle.

By now my in-laws are so rattled that they want to seek some definition where ‘rules are rules’, and justice is swift. So we try to calm them down with a parade of the ‘TV Judge’ shows. There are literally a slew of these type of television shows with litigants suing over tiny disagreements. Is this REALLY entertainment? My goal in life is to stay OUT of courtroom theatrics, not sit in the front row of the jury box with popcorn. My plan seems to work though because soon enough, the elders are drifting in and out of consciousness, only occasionally waking up to comment on an unjustified verdict, or the fact that the judge has changed not only their race, but their sex as well!

Now don’t get me wrong, I aint no springy chicken myself, so much of what I say here already applies to me now or in my immediate future. But until I start getting some serious discounts for dinner, I am going to fight it all the way. In the meantime, I will bone up on lots of card game rules. I don’t want my kid pulling anything over on me (except a warm blankie) when I come to camp-out at her house. Who knows, eventually I may even need burping and an occasional diaper change – now THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT!