Fathers Day

Well I originally intended to lampoon this “Day of the Dad” with the memories of all the horrible gifts that I had tortured my Father with over the years. Clearly as the spawn of my Father, I can never buy enough garage sale ‘rolling rulers’ or ‘extra wide’ ties to ‘thank’ him enough for my existence. How can I (or even should I) EVER pay back my Dad for his obvious indiscretion and poor choices of so long ago. Why am I responsible for my Father’s momentary lapse in judgment - after all, I did not ASK to be born.

But today I feel different. Yes, today I feel like maybe I should have put in a little extra effort beyond those unused monogrammed hankies that filled my Father’s dresser. Maybe I should have just ‘FORCED’ him to do something that he would not do for himself, but would still enjoy just the same. If only my own kid would have been around when I was a youngster, then she could have showed me the right way to honor my father.

As you no doubt have guessed, my daughter greeted me this glorious Father’s Day morning with only a declaration that I should be dressed for public and ready to go at either 10:20 or 10:25AM. I was not told any details or given any warm and fuzzy cards with hearts and kisses – just my marching orders. I pondered what was in store for me? I have been a reasonably good father. I drove the kid everywhere when she was young so that should count for something right? I embarrassed her frequently I’m sure, but what Dad doesn’t to a teenage girl – it is our JOB! You don’t think she would hold that against me do you?

My quandary was the time thing. What memorable event, other than a firing squad or slow boat to China, requires precise scheduled time with nary a five minute window. This concerned me greatly – oh why did I ever have a kid at all – this is all so stressful? I dressed and shaved and soon THE time loomed over me like – well a really BIG loom. I was really worried now because my daughter was DRIVING! What does that mean – is this my last look at the house, my life? Am I being put out to pasture so early?

If only I had bought my Dad better gifts on HIS Father’s Day, he might have warned me of this moment of treachery. But NO! He remained silent all those years – plotting and planning for my eventual comeuppance and not so hot ‘pasteurization’. Well fear not, the grass is actually GREENER on this side of life. My daughter rolled up to a theater and handed me two tickets for us to enjoy the TOY STORY 3 movie in 3-D together! I am clearly a lucky Dad – my kid LOVES me and my solid parenting has taught her to be so considerate, responsible, and … hey wait a minute – these crazy EXPENSIVE tickets were charged to MY CREDIT CARD? Happy Father’s Day everybody!