NEVER go to the light

Right off the bat, I really want to know who started this popular sentiment that ‘going to the light’ is a good thing? What if a raging fire is making all of that light, did you ever think about that? Unless you are the Devil, I just do not think it is responsible parenting to tell your kids to walk into fire. As far as I can tell, every time I personally have undergone a police grilling or got near brightly lit and shiny stuff, it always has cost me one way or the other.

I mean look at jewelry stores. They are filled with fancy little hot lights and shiny shimmering stuff. I have to be buzzed into these places which are surrounded by bars and video security. I don’t know about you, but that feels like JAIL to me, not a luxurious and relaxing shopping experience. Even if I do make it out without physical pain, there still is that little matter of a pricey trinket or bauble I will have to pay off in a month. Just like Sterling Silver, $7.99 plus tax doesn’t grow on trees you know.

I think this notion of going towards the light was probably started by an antisocial ‘flim-flam’ gnat up to no good. Yeah, like some lame senior prank, that rogue bug spread the word that the closer one flies to the light the better your buggy-life will be. But just as Icarus of legend learned so deftly, even when over-confident and giddy bugs cozy up to those hot lights, they often get burned too.

So I think it is safe to say, regardless of what anyone tells you, NEVER go to the light. I know we’ve all been taught to see the glass half full and Pollyanna is perhaps the greatest movie of all time. But I must urge you to even avoid that tempting ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ philosophy. More often than not, once you make to the end, you’ll find just a bunch of lost illegal aliens with a really bright Maglite flashlight . . . and a lot of dead bugs stuck to it.