Monday, June 21, 2010

Faux Fireplaces and Santa

I know it is the wrong time of year to be thinking about this kind of stuff but today my fireplace caught my attention. Other than Santa, I think I am the only one who uses this thing? Even at that, I bet it is about twice a year at best, yet I invested so much cash into having the big rectangle built into my house.

To make things even weirder, I cannot really even get to the fire because it is behind glass. We live in a cold winter area, so supposedly these gas fireplaces will keep us warmer than having cold air rush up the flue. Though my wife does not miss the ashes or smell at all, I kind of think a fire loses something when it is all cooped up like a ‘bubble boy’.

Usually by now, I sit around with incredulity and wonder who thought up the need for all of this fireplace ’fal de rah’. Nope not this time because I know the old fireplace in the corner of your cave or in each room of your Victorian mansion was the only thing keeping chamber pots toasty warm. I actually think Santa had something to do with it too though. You know the white bearded one tends to the husky side, so I’m sure he wanted to make those hung stockings more accessible than the laundry room. So, with the help of a few ‘facebook-savy’ elves and a viral ‘Youtube’ video or two and ‘Bam’ the world hangs dirty socks on the fireplace mantle.

I think my Aunt has the right idea. She spent a couple of hundred bucks for a fake fireplace surround which includes a nice mantle. She decorated the inside of the hole to look like old tile and then put down three slabs of marble for a hearth. Now what could be easier than that and CHEAP TOO! Just make sure to leave a post-it note for Santa though. Nobody wants to see that enormous velvety ‘pratt’ of his get CRACKED by your new faux fireplace.


  1. Poor guy. If you dislike being separated from the fire behind that glass, why don't you
    get inside WITH it? HAW! Take some marshmallows and some girl scouts with you. Har Har!
    Oh Jeez, I might kill myself with humor before you do with fire! I think I'm filling up with laughing gas! Oooowhee!

  2. I'm not sure whether I'm laughing more at your post, or at "Anonymous's " comment!!!!

  3. Thank you for the shout out, Billy,;-).

  4. Yep. This is officially the best fireplace post I have ever read. I should create a blog award for that.